Dear jatwood, I am feeling exactly the same . Tears flow at the smallest thing, I'm sleeping with his ashes beside me every night. You wonder how you can carry on , you feel guilty for living without them , my husband was strong too , I admire his strength and am so proud of the man he was. , our memories are precious and I cherish every minute we had . We met when I was 17 , and had 37 wonderful years together, I like you find it hard every day to carry on , but put one foot I front of the other , when people ask how are you , I say I'm ok thanks , when I really want to say , don't ask such a silly question, how do you think I am , traumatised, devastated, lost , lonely, emotionally drained, angry , frustrated, . But putting on a brave face .  No one knows , until they go through it , you can be surrounded by friends and family, but your thoughts are of your loved one . I'm laid now , thoughts of a life without him is unbearable, but somehow will do it . My heart is aching, I now know what they mean by broken heart ,  I'm truly sorry for your loss , it's unbearable, I'm hear to shout at , scream at , rant at , that's how I feel, why why why did this happen, . My husband was in a hospice for a while, they are wonderful, and so caring and attentive, . Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself, they deserve our grief and tears

, I'm not holding back , they were brave and wanted to protect us from all the pain , Such kind loving husbands, .