Thanks for your reply and all the best 

Yes , I agree completely. I was so scared and apprehensive especially with the Covid situation too and being extra vulnerable.  All the best.  

Thanks. I have an appointment in just over a week, I was tending to forget I do have choices! Take care 

Hi Sandy,

yes I too believe we have to assess what it is we are able and willing to accept. There ARE risks to deciding against some treatments but it is our life. The medical profession tends to be thought of as a body we must always obey. We don't have to and of course some of us don't. I have to say I think your decision is very brave though!! I am not sure I am made of that kind of stuff!!! I truly wish you well and also 100% 'get' what you say. 
Cancer can kill us but the treatment also does it's best to defeat us.  Radiotherapy alone hits our bodies pretty hard.  Chemo even harder. It's a rotten choice for so many of course.  Hats off to all those who fight their way through bith illness and the harshest of treatments. 
Yes eat well, exercise and make every day count. That's my way of looking at things. 
I send you every good wish. Go well and stay well. 
 

Kebbs x 
 

Hi Kebbs. Thanks for your entirely sensible reply. You're correct in saying that many believe they must blindly follow where the medical profession lead. The first oncologist I saw last week, when I told him I would probably decline chemo, said "just sign it. It's not that bad. It's only chemo for a few months". Well, that's what made my mind up to not have chemo. He even told me my jawbone would potentially rot and my teeth would fall out. Charming! Followed the money trail on him and it transpires he is connected to Roche, who manufacture many chemotherapy drugs!  I just feel we are all put in a great big sausage machine, regardless of personal, medical and emotional circumstances, filled with the same mix of treatment and spewed out the other end. I have been told twice by friends to "just do what they tell you". Heaven forbid!  That will be a first!  
 

I know that, whatever choice we all make as individuals, one thing is for sure. We have all been touched by cancer and nothing will ever put us back where we were prior to diagnosis. Mentally we can never 'forget' we had, or have, cancer and we will always be waiting, every day for the rest of our lives, for it to once again knock on our door. THAT'S the biggest problem for me. Losing the person who thought she would be happy, carefree and healthy into her 90's, like all the other women in my family. Hanging on to life by the fingernails for a few more months/years by virtue of medication, albeit riddled with medical problems and dependent on others, just isn't for me. I live alone and expect none of my friends and family to give up their time and happiness to watch me slowly rot away. 
 

Anyway, sorry to be so cheerful. Bet that's quite enough of me for one day!

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

yes I do agree. Perhaps the hardest thing of all is that ever present fear cancer will reappear somewhere else again. Every little ache or flicker of pain...is it cancer?? Whereas prior to diagnosis I felt pretty invincible even at 68??!! Arrogance I guess now I look back on it, but I was super sure I would live a very long life too. As you say, like most people in my family. 
It IS a big psychological leap to get past cancer.  Our bodies heal but the scars run so deep. I do think you need to be on the wrong side of a diagnosis to really understand that. 
 

A dependence on others isn't something to look forward to. I get that. Don't underestimate though those who happily help, need to help because of the importance of friendships/connections. .  The ill and dying are not always thought of as a 'burden'. 
 

So that's a cheery message then!!  I wish you a long and healthy life. With or without medication!! You sound a fighter to me. Go get it!!!

Go well 

Kebbs x

Haha!  I think you are my long lost twin sister. I'm also 68. We will be fine. See you at our 90th birthday party! ;-)

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