Oh Helens,

What an awful position you're in. It's no wonder that you feel so confused. It will be difficult for you to be strong when your daughters are still so young and, at such a formative stage of their lives. Do they appreciate how ill he is?

Has your ex been given his prognosis and, how is he dealing with this? Are you aware that you can get help to look after him at home? I expect that the workload on you will get heavier as time progresses, so please don't hesitate to ask for help, as it can also become 24 hours a day.

You say that you dont have the strength to deal with this. It is an amazing fact, that we all tend to find the strength when we need it and, I'm sure that you will too.

Thinking of you all and please remember that we're always here for you. Keep in touch.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Bless  u  helen. What a brave choice  you made. U  have alot of  love  for  ur girls  dad.  Hard  not to.  I was recently  diagnosd  with brain  mets. Immflamatory her2 positive diagnosd  last  oct 2019. So a year of chemo op radio  etc.due to finish april. Then  start  the headaches.  Low and behold  its spread  while  havin  chemo.  No one knows why. Its  3 tumors  bk of brain.   wierd fing tho i feel  great. Kids  are 21 and  13. I am 48.  Its also  under my  arm  again  yet had  node clearance. Not in any organs except brain. But i am a v  strong  and positive lady. Like u are jolamine.  It  wont win.  Wel dun helen. We  are here  for u anytime. Big hugs to u  both.  It  helps  so  much  knowin  ur  not alone.  X x x

Thanks so much for your reply.it really helps knowing someone understands.

He starts chemo on Tuesday. He's been told it's incurable and it's palliative treatment only. The doctor's don't like to give a timescale.

One of my daughter's has GCSEs this year. He's flitted in and out of their lives over the last 8 years. 

I'm also fed up cos I looked after my dad with mesothelioma (also terminal lung cancer) a few years ago. I'm being selfish but I feel I've done my turn. But I know looking after him is the right thing to do. I'm also scared and want to run away from it all. (Obviously can't do that)

Hx

mate  ur  not selfish one  bit. I am here to chat. X x

Thanks. It's lonely in the real world. It's like we belong to a secret club until you're in it you can't understand it. 

It's the lack of control of my emotions and the doubting of myself at every turn.

It doesn't help that I'm a control freak. 

I'm struggling with other people's reactions too. I'm struggling with what to say when they ask me how I am. 

I am also aware that it's not about me.i don't have Cancer and I'm not my daughter's but my head is wrecked.

Hx

Its realy hard. I feel quilty cos i handle it wel but the othas dont. Sumtimes i duno wot to say. I do evryfin  cookin etc. Dont  hav any help with any fin at mo but i ova do it. I kno i gota  stop. Just b there for  ur hub. Thats al we want.hugs.x x

Hi Helens,

It is especially difficult to start this journey when you have already been down this road before. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. No matter how strong a person you are, you still need help to deal with all that lies ahead. After all, you will want to keep the house running as normally as possible and, will still need to be there for your daughters. This past year has been a particularly difficult time for all school children and I am sure that your daughter will be finding it especially hard to prepare for her exams. It looks as if we are still not out of the woods this year in respect of Covid, so I expect that you will still have a lot of input into her studies and, you need to have time for this too. You are fortunate enough that the girls are old enough to help with some of their dad’s care, but have to be careful that this is not at the expense of their education.

I appreciate that having carers in the house is a bit of an intrusion. My parents in law lived in a one-bedroomed pensioners’ flat and were very reluctant to have anyone else in the house. We went along with this for as long as we could coping on our own, but had to eventually concede that we couldn’t be there 24/7 and it was just too much. What a difference it made when we got carers in. They came in 4 times a day and carried out personal ablutions, hair washing, bed changing, turned her regularly to prevent bed sores, etc.This gave them more quality time to spend together.

I hope that all goes well with his chemo next week. Make sure that he drinks plenty of water whilst he is having this.

Thinking of you all and willing you the strength to see this through.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Skidders,

I know that it's not always easy to remain positive, especially when you have already had a knockback like this. Try to ignore your prognosis. There are many here who are living way past their predicted time. Doctors can only really offer a guesstimate on how long we all have left. If somebody tells me that I can't do something, then this is just the challenge I need. You sound very similar to me and, I hope that you will continue to defy the odds.

I see that you are due to have an MRI soon and I sincerely hope that this shows that the chemo has reduced the size of the tumours in your brain. Wishing you all the very best for your surgery and I am always here for you.
Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Jolamine i  keep losing  my txts.  I am  useless. Ur an inspiration.  Hav followd  u 4 a year thank u. U  have given me hope. Kids 21 and 13 me 48. I want to live. I can handle  any  op  etc.just keep me alive please.  Huge hugs.  Ur great.x x