My mum has weeks to live

Hi, my mum was diagnosed with kidney cancer about two years ago. She had it removed and we were told she was all clear. Last year we found out that the cancer had traveled to nodes near her lungs and she had growths in her lungs - for this we were told there was no cure and no chemo but she was put on drugs which would reduce the size of the growths and hopefully halt their growth and that she could die off old age before the cancer gets her. My mum is 69. The Thursday just gone my mum was taken into hospital and then we were told the cancer has spread to her brain and she has a number of tumours and now she has weeks to live, maybe three months. She is still in hospital and due to covid we can't see her but she is coming home in the next day or so which is good. But she is scared and we (my sisters and I) are scared. We don't know what to expect or how to deal with this. We are just scared. 

  • I have just read your extremely sad news, my heart absolutely goes out to and your family. 

    I lost my father just over 3 weeks ago on Christmas day to oesophagus cancer, it was so hard for me and my family as he didn't let us know his cancer was terminal so I was filled with regret of things I didn't have chance to say to him.

     

    My advice would be to do everything you can to make her comfortable and loved. Tell her how much you love her, speak about all the good things you have done together, just talk about good times and keep that going. 

    It won't be easy I know and my mother was caring for my dad at home, he got weak very quickly and couldn't eat or drink much. He was on morphine and my mother said he was never in pain and sometimes he was so out of it he didn't even know what was going on. Because he had had a stent put in and had ulcers and burnt scar tissue we honestly thought that was why he was on so much medication but we have all come to terms with what had happened and my dad did it to protect us. She will not be in pain, she will probably be very weak and unable to go to the toilet. My mother bought dog training pads for the bed so that really helped and just stock up on cleaning wipes etc, nurses can always visit to help but my dad didn't want anyone to help but my mother. So be prepared your mother might want the same.

     

    I wish I could do more to help you and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, ask questions or just want to let it all out. I have found comfort in opening up about my feelings as I am still grieving. 

     

    Take care and remember you are never alone xxxx

  • Oh I'm so sorry for your loss, but thank you so much for your kind words and advice. Just thank you x

  • Take care and if you find that you are struggling then remember to reach out for help.

     

    Love to you and your family xxx