Hello

My name is Lucy. I'm 46 years old and always imagined growing old with my OH, and one day arguing with him, about moving into a nursing home, I wanted to, as love the idea of in house entertainment and getting my hair done regularly, whereas he isn't a fan of 'people' lol he loves his family to bits (me, our daughter and his father) but has no social life and doesn't think highly of the people he works with or strangers, he even talked about moving to Alaska haha ... definitely a loner..

At age 17 he watched his mother get diagnosed with breast cancer, she was dead within a year, his father worked constantly during her illness so poor Stuart was left to look after his mum, carry her upstairs and help with daily living, when she died, his father turned to alcohol and became abusive.. One day, Stuart fought back, and told him, 'you hit me one more time and I'm leaving' his dad managed to sober up, and they built a relationship which I'm thankful for, today, they're very close  

When we met, I was 36 and he was only 26, he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, he planned to live alone in his dads house till he died.. he didn't want to get close to anyone, obviously a reflection of losing his mum and watching her suffer, at such a young age. It took me 6 months to convince him to take us seriously, another 6 months for me to convince him to spend the night at my place.. but I knew, right from the beginning, that he was perfect for me. And I so desperately wanted to show this gorgeous young men that life could be wonderful. 4 years later we bought a house together, a year after that our daughter came along, as he was loving his life, almost as much as I loved mine ;) I had everything I could ever have dreamed off. 
 

1st December I was admitted into A&E with stomach pains, endoscopy, failed stent, stoma placed and got told it's likely cancer.. 15th December, formal diagnosis of Bowel Cancer, stage 4. And now, I'm devastated.. devastated that I might not be here next Christmas, that my 5 year old won't grow up with a mummy and most of all, that Stuart will have to yet again, watch a women he loves suffer, and die... and he's only 36.. it doesn't seem fair on any of us. I actually think that Amelia is the luckiest of us, at her age, she'll handle it much better, she'll get over it quicker and carry on with her life and perhaps later, look back at pictures and video clips, and wish I was still around.. and she'll give her daddy a reason to carry on.. because without me, I know he'll struggle. He's always said, I give his life meaning, and now, that 'meaning' won't be around much longer.. thank god for Amelia. 
 

I start Chemo in 3 weeks. I'm trying to be hopefully, that perhaps it might extend my life by a year or 2, and we're thinking about the possibility of getting married in 2021, to give us both something to look forward to.. we already have Will's and life insurance sorted, and I'm now wondering if I sort for my funeral too.. I want to try and take as much pressure off of him as I can over the next year, but I also think I'll be crying a lot, how to fit it all in lol