Not sure how I will cope

My lovely mum is dying. Not sure how long but it is very close. I have lived with her more or less since my dad died over 10 years ago. We have helped each other so much over the years. She was diagnosed with cancer and has needed more and more help but has carried on really brilliantly doing as much as she could by herself.

She has always been really supportive of me through lifes ups and downs. We had arguments of course as is normal but we're not ones for holding grudges so would quickly get over them and have a cup of tea!  We talk to each other about things that nobody else really 'gets' if you know what I mean, I don't mean deep and heavy stuff, just day to day things.

I just don't know how I will cope without her. I have been breaking down and crying already which I try to hide from her as I don't want to upset her and she was never one for wallowing in self pity or letting me wallow either. I feel like I am weak for feeling this way, after all I am in my fifties and I know people much younger than me have to cope. I wish I could be strong.

 

 

 

  • Hi there ...

    So sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... what you are feeling is normal ... it's a grief while they are still here ... it's our brains trying to get used to not having them around ...

    Although it's normal ... if you can acknolage that feeling and then stay in the moment ... in the day ... otherwise it's like they've gone ... try to take each day and make memories .. little memories ... like looking at old photos ... watch a film together ... ask her about her life ... I bet there's loads you don't know ... take every day as a bonus ...

    It's o.k to admit your both scared... it's o.k to share tears... it's even o.k to laugh or smile when something gives you a good memory... if you can fill each day ... youll be proud you did ... and your mum will be proud of you to ...  sending you a vertual hug.... chrissie x

  • Hi Chrissie,

    Thank you for your reply and the hug x

    Unfortunately my mum took quite a sudden turn for the worse a few days ago and is on morphine now and sleeping most of the time. She isn't really able to talk much now at all.I think that is why it is such a shock as although she was ill she did as much as she could by herself and luckily has not had any issues such as dementia. Obviously as time has gone on I have had to do more of the practical stuff like housework and cooking. It is the sudden dramatic change that has thrown me. I guess the sudden reality that this is it. She was diagnosed in late 2014 so has really done amazingly well in how she has coped and has got on with life. She obviously felt rough at times but has always been so strong. She had a few weeks in hospital last year for an unrelated bowel problem which really took it out of her, but even then she coped well.I tried to talk to her about a few things yesterday but she didn't seem to want it and I don't want to project my anxieties on to her. I think she feels too I'll and just wants to go.