Hi! My name is Cainan (M. 22). I'm actually not from the UK, but this is the best forum I've seen for people like me all throughout the internet and if I'm not allowed here i understand. I am scared of cancer, obviously, but I would really like to talk to people about these issues if anyone else has had them. I've read enough to know this isn't for diagnosis, but like I said, I'm hoping others here with similar issues could shed some light on it. (I'm going to write a lot here, and I apologise in advance).

I've suffered from health anxiety for years now. I've been to every specialist I can think of, and gotten good results, however, recently in the past year, (almost two now) I've been having terrible symptoms.

The main issue is my stomach, I have constant acid and have to take omeprazole everyday to keep it down. However, I've also lost my appetite. I don't think I've lost a lot of weight, (I went from 155'ish to 145'ish in a long span of time.) I don't know what is wrong with me, but I feel like it's something serious. (sadly.)

About two years ago I had an ultrasound that said my spleen was slightly enlarged, but no further tests were done. I've had probably 6 CT scans (with and without contrast on my whole body), 2 MRI's (one my brain, and just my general head area by an ENT) I've had my lymph nodes checked and the ENT wasn't concerned, all of my blood tests are normal except for Bilirubin being slightly raised. (It's been like that for a while according to my GP.) All organ function tests are normal, all electrolytes normal as well. I don't think I've had any cancer specific tests done except for the one time I went to an oncologist about two years ago. He gave me the all clear. Basically everyone I see tells me I'm fine. But the spleen, it haunts me.

I have pain on my upper left abdomen (really dull) right under my rib cage. I also pass (normal colored~ light brown, green, etc) stools two or three times a day that have mucus (no visible blood ever). I also have left side back pain we're the stomach/pancreas sits. Another issue is a pretty constant sore throat, but I'm fairly certain it's just acid coming up. I don't have a cough or difficulty swallowing or breathing or anything. I'm obviously scared something bad is going on with my body, but pancreatic/stomach cancer are extremely far fetched for my age. (Thankfully) 

Another issue that just arose earlier is a moving *thing* on the left side of my neck right next to my adams apple when I swallow sometimes. It's not visible, and when I feel for it, it just feels like a vein or muscle of some kind that I can move. It doesn't feel like a lump, kinda like it's long and straight with a bump in the middle near where I feel it move. Idk what that is. But it doesn't help my mental state. 

My main concern is feeling like I have fevers on and off for weeks at a time. It's happened twice to me now, where I have a low grade fever (99.6F was the highest I've recorded) with chills for a whole month then the symptoms of fever and chills just disappear. The doctors say I'm fine. I even went to an E/R under a panic attack and they ran a crap load of blood tests on me and after about 4-5 hrs they said they couldn't find anything wrong. Then they just sent me home. They said they would have found SOMETHING if something was wrong. They didn't give me any physical scans, and I'm unaware of the blood tests that were performed. I'm really having a hard time convincing myself I'm okay despite the tests, and the symptoms continue. 

The second time the fevers showed up again, I was gifted joint pain and very dry eyes by the gods (had dry eyes for a long time now actually). At this point, I'm trying to convince myself I may have an autoimmune disease, while I wait to get an ANA test. Autoimmune disease like RA and Lupus run in my family, although apparently strictly on the women side. Which gives me the reason to doubt my assumptions. 

At this point, I'm currently awaiting a GI appointment on the 20th of this month, and haven't decided what else to do about the ANA thing or my neck as I don't have unlimited funds and also, the worst part, is I don't have insurance.

I honestly just feel like I need someone to talk to. I'm really sorry for writing a novel here, but I don't have any other way to get this out. All of my family thinks I'm basically crazy, and I'm having a hard time telling myself I'm not either. I'm able to notice new symptoms all the time that I worry about, like peeing more often, slight pain in my arm, a sore rib cage, etc.

If anyone like me would like to talk, I'd love to. I don't know anyone like me personally, and it's basically just a constant state of fear I live in everyday. Btw, I take Lexapro everyday for my disorder, but it doesn't really stop it. (Just in case people recommend mental health, I go regularly). :)

~ Cainan