Hi Kt66,

Welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry to hear the reason that you have joined us for.

This will be a particularly hard time for you, especially being an only child. Do you have any other family or friends who can support you during this ordeal?

I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer, which had spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs, then was diagnosed with two bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 11 years. Rather than fighting your mom about bringing help in to the house, you might find it easier to bring someone in from one of the cancer charities to chat to her and to persuade her to accept some assistance. MacMillan are very good at doing this. I'm sure that her care team could suggest how you can go about this. We found that my mum accepted advice from experts in the field like this, than she would from family and friends.

If your mom only had 12 weeks left, she is sadly likely to get weaker and, to eventually come to accept that she really needs help. If she doesn't, she will likely end up in hospital or in a hospice. Most of us would prefer to end our days at home, so she may relent, given this option.

It is her choice to refuse any further treatment and, I fear that you've got to respect her wishes and support her in her decision. Many people opt for no further treatment and, it is impossible to blame them, as chemo is never an easy option and, will only buy a little extra time, but possibly with even less quality of life than she curently has.

Despite living like a hermit I expect that your mom is frightened, angry and will need your love and support in the coming months. Try to spend as much time as she will let you with her. Let her know how much you love her. Talk to her about how she feels and try to allay her fears. I'm not saying that this will be easy, as she may become argumentative and awkward with you, but don't leave anything unsaid between you.

I have gone through this stage with a number of relatives and close friends who succumbed to cancer. It is a heart breaking stage, but you will find the strength to get through it.

My thoughts are with you and, I am regularly on this site if you want to talk. Please keep in touch and, let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine