Boyfriend pushing me away

Last week my boyfriend (now ex) found out he has cancer. He told me via text that he's not good enough and he can't continue in a relationship. I was devastated by this news and acted hostile towards him. We spoke on the phone but he wouldn't tell me exactly what was wrong and the conversation ended up in both of us shouting and in tears. I decided to give him a week of space before reaching out to him as I'm so concerned about his well-being. He didn't take too kindly to me reaching out but finally spoke to me, he sounded so depressed on the phone. He explained what had happened and the appointments he is going to but when I mentioned the C word, he got so angry and frustrated and wanted to end the call. I calmed him down and told him I want to be there for him and suppprt him but he kept refusing it and told me to live my life because he doesn't want to put me through this pain. This phone call also ended up in both of us crying. He said he loves me and I deserve to be happy and he can't be the man I want him to be. I kept reassuring him that I want to help him through this. Hes so embarrassed and ashamed of what is going on as it's the cancer that can affect his fertility in the future. I love him dearly and I want to be there for him and it's hurting me so much that he's pushing me away. 

  • Welcome to the forum Cassie although I'm sorry for the reason you're joining us.

    As you're finding out, a cancer diagnosis will see a person go through a wide range of emotions and this can end up with them pushing away the people they love the most as their way of protecting them. 

    I'm sure some of our members who have been in this position will offer their support and advice to you soon but I hope this information we have for family, friends and caregivers will prove useful at this time.

    There is no easy way through this but hopefully when he's managed to process everything he will reach out to you again and I'm sure he really appreciates knowing that you'll be there for him when he needs you most.

    Best wishes to you both,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Cassie...I find myself in exactly the same situation as you.  My now ex boyfriend ended things with me about a month ago.  But he didn't tell me what he was going through...I had no clue!  All I knew was that he had an ulcer that was bothering him for longer than it should have.

    He told me that although we were perfect for each other, and that he loves me...the circumstances surrounding us were not right for us to be together.  I was so painfully confused...because I couldn't understand why he was ending it if he loved me!  He said to me that he was sorry he couldn't be what I wanted him to be.  But I told him, I don't want him to be anything other than who he is.  I just want him.  I'd been looking for every reason as to why he really ended it with me and I've accused him of awful things.

    But now I know, he has been going through a cancer scare, and has convinced himself that he can't have a future with me.  He now isn't replying to my messages, and I am frantically worrying about him.  I know how much he suffers with anxiety and all I want to do is be there for him.

    I think one of our friends must have spoken to him because he messaged me to say that although he appreciates it's hurting me not being there with him, he has to go through this alone.

    He has had the tests and we are still waiting for the diagnosis, so I am praying that this is just an ulcer...but he is convinced it's more after speaking with the consultant.

    I love him so much, and I know he loves me...I'm just hoping that once he is through this, he will come back to me.