Hello doccclaire,

                          life is a strange thing,you spend years trying to figure it out and your relationship with it.Just when you think you might have a grasp upon it,along comes major pronlems that you have to overcome,finding the strength and resources from within to see you through and changing your perspective on your previous understanding,and you move on again.Nothing though can prepare your mind when tragedy comes tramping over your personal horizon, and you find yourself utterly bereft of understanding,hope ,and sense of any sort of direction. The struggle within yourself will be blunt,brutal with the only respite in the beginning being the exhaustion that allows brief spells of sleep with a non concious mind.

                                                l cannot offer solutions only understanding of the tragic journey you have embarked upon.It can get better but you will have to pay the price of doing so in pain and grief. l am so sorry for your loss and in the way it has come about,

                                                                                        be easy with yourself,you are precious no matter how worthless you might feel right now,

                                                                        David