Hi all,

Just wanted to reach out to all those people who are in a similar situation or find themselves in a similar situation as me.

I posted a few weeks ago 'terrified to go to the doctors' after having pelvic pain and bleeding after sex on one occasion.

I had never been for a smear test at 36 and was terrified to go in case something there was something really wrong with me.

After lovely words of support on this forum, I bit the bullet and forced myself to book a smear at my GP practice. I was so nervous going in but in my head I told myself that if i get too anxious, I am allowed to walk away and try again the next day until I went through with it. This mind set helped me as I felt I was in control and enabled me to feel ok enough to (a) make the appointment and (b) get through the door of the doctors surgery.

So when I arrived I explained how I felt to the nurse who was so lovely, patient and understanding and she talked to me for about 5 minutes and showed me all the equipment she was going to use. I asked to nip to the loo where I was considering legging it, but I came back and told the nurse i felt ready.

So I had the smear and it honestly wasn't bad at all. Took literally 60 seconds and the nurse talked me through everything as she did it.

A week later I get a letter saying that my smear showed abnormal cells and severe dyskaryosis. At this point, I felt like all my fears of having something wrong with me were coming true and I had cancer and that was the end for me. The two week wait for my colposcopy seemed like an age and I struggled to eat, sleep or think about anything else, BUT...

For the first time in ages I started to feel slightly better. Like if there was something wrong at least I would find out what it was and this started to give me some peace. Over the 2 week period, I would spend my waking thoughts in one of 3 places...not thinking about it and then suddenly remembering and then feeling either hopeful that I would be OK or terrified I would not. In one of my panic moments, I rang the number for the clinic where I was booked in for my colposcopy and spoke to the nurse who was brilliant while expplained everything and reassured me but the best thing was being told that nearly everyone is very nervous and that I wasnt the only one feeling this way.

So the day arrives for the colposcopy and I'm scared and really nervous but also knowing that in the space of an hour, it will all be over and I will be at home with a brew in my hand! 

Again the two nurses and the doctor carrying out the colposcopy were amazing...talked to me about everything and reassured me and answered all my questions without making me feel daft for asking or for being nervous.  The doctor said that during the colposcopy if he found that the smear test was right and there was severe dyskaryosis of the cervix,  could he complete the procedure at the same time to perform the Lletz treatment. I consented to this as i thought that if the diagnosis from the colposcopy was severe dyskaryosis, i was happy to have the treatment at the same time and get it over and done with in one procedure.

In terms of the colposcopy, my main fears were pain and embarrassment. I can honestly say that there was very minimal pain involved. It was a bit of a weird feeling but no actual pain.  The way I was dealt with by the two nurses and the doctor made me realise that this is just a routine thing for them and that their aim is wanting to help their patients be healthy and well and that this is part of the process to achieve that. Being made to feel this comfortable made me feel  no embarrassment at all.

One other thing to add is that there were 2 nurses...one to assist the doctor 'down there' and one to make sure I was happy and comfortable with what was going on. The fact that they have a specific nurse for this should reassure anyone going for this procedure that your comfort is paramount to the medical team treating you.

During the procedure to remove the abnormal cells, biopsies were collected to be sent off for testing and although I am a little nervous waiting for this result (in 4-6 weeks, by letter) l, I am encouraged by the doctors reassurance that he could not see evidence of cancer from the colposcopy and treatment.  The over thinking and anxious side of me is telling me that this is just to spare me for 4-6 weeks and then I will get the dreaded news that I do have cancer, but i feel more confident than before the smear and colposcopy when I had no idea what was wrong and I was imagining every terrible scenario possible!

So to summarise, what I want to convey is that yes it is nerve wracking going for a smear and getting a colposcopy and treatment for severe dyskaryosis, but not knowing what is wrong and panicking constantly is a much, much worse feeling for me.

I have been looked after and cared for so well by amazing NHS doctors and nurses that if I do need more treatment or I have any other worries or symptoms, I am happy to go and get seen and treated and this is the opposite of how I felt before.

Just wanted to give some reassurance to anyone in the same position as me that is I can do this, you can too!

Take care everyone xxx