Dear Kazza

I am so sorry to hear about your dad as it seems he had the same prognosis at same time as my mum ie last October.

Like your dad my mum iwas under palliative and her wishes were to stay at home. She unfortuneatly passed away on the 30th April 2020 and I have lost not only my mum but as a guy my very best friend. I got to say mum hadvery little pain and her passing was peaceful and we were with her however, it is still very difficult to know that I will not see her but lung cancer reduced her weight from a healthy 8 stone to 25kg  that is 4.5 stone and to see her not wanting to eat or drink was very difficult. I am blessed with being able to look after her for her final 6 months and was glad to give up my job as a social worker as basically because of budgets hardly anyone got the true care that they needed. I saw some horrible handling of my mums care not only by the GP but the whole upheavel of co ordinating and linking into other professionals. The whole communication process was terrible between the council and most other health professionals and I am ashamed to have been a s/w for 30 years and certainly am glad that I am out of that employment. Do make sure you get a full assessment of your dads needs by a social worker and make sure you apply for fast tracked AA allowance under DS1500 rules.. Your dads palliative should do this at source for you but often such things are overlooked. Dont be daunted by forms money was not a pre cursor for my mum but we were glad that I had applied for AA as mum deemed terminal as it afforded extra monies for the many many various foods that we tried with me. Unfortuneatly there comes a point when (as with my dear mum) the cancer takes away the need to eat and intake of liquid becomes very lessened as well. I think thats when I knew mum was not long for this world. She also was not passing motions and was sleeping most of the day. I got to say she had very little plural infusions and though had liquid morphine did not often require it. I loved my mum very much and though she would never discuss the D word I think she knew towards the last 24 hours. She died with myself and my twin sister holding her hands telling her that she was loved and she turned to me and said I think I am going and then then said your my son. Those were her final words and she passed. I am still very numb and we have the funeral to come but it makes such a big difference being with your loved one when they pass and I could not wish for a more peaceful death for my mum as her prognosis was metastic cancer and I dreaded a painful death for her and feel blessed on how she passed. I will miss her for the rest of my life and nothing will ever be the same for me again as she was my best friend, and as a son I had lived with her for most of my life so now have to leave the family home and start anew and yet to make new friends in Hampshire where I now live with my partner. Know that you are doing your best for your lovely dad and dont hesitate in getting in touch if you need any advice and help David   

Hi Karen, sorry to hear about your dad, my father in law has just been told he has terminal lung cancer which has spread to his lymph nodes, not being able to go and comfort them is awful, they have found the Macmillan nurse to be extremely helpful with anything they dont understand.