Hi Broken_Alone,

Welcome to our forum although I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's passing.

You are not being at all unreasonable. I am glad to hear that you managed to spend time with her when she was in hospital. I really feel for those who cannot even spend the last few hours with their loved ones at the moment. I went through something similar with my own Mum. She had primary breast cancer for 12 years and passed with secondaries in her liver, lungs, bone and brain.

It is so hard to watch a loved one suffer at the end. I really felt that I started to grieve for the person my Mum had been before she even passed. It must have been particularly difficult to hold her funeral when the restrictions in numbers were in place. Would you consider holding a memorial service for her when all this hype dies down?

Believe it or not, it is good to cry at this stage of grief, as it will help to relieve a lot of pent up emotions. The one thing that I found very helpful was to look out a nice photo of my Mum and place in it an area that I pass by regularly when I'm at home. It is 22 years now since my Mum died, but I often chat to this photo and get great solace from doing this. Perhaps you might find this helpful too? Do you have family who can support you through this?

It is all very fine for others not to understand why you're not coping - it's not their Mum who has died. This is probably the biggest heartache that you'll ever go through, as you've had your Mum there for you every day you've been on this earth. She has been your rock and, it is only natural to miss her so.

We are always here for you any time you want to chat or when you are feeling particularly low and, many of us here know just what your loss feels like.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx.