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Self Isolating with 12 months to live?

lordmelbury
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Hello all. I'm 49 and have advanced bowel / liver cancer. It's not operable but am having chemo at the mo (one round done). My question is - i've been getting ready to self isolate myself in our house (which is luckily big enough to do that). Thing is - I know that without chemo i'd probably have a year at most - maybe only 6 months or so. Therefore - what the hell is the point of staying away from my wife and 10 year old daughter for a large part of the time I have left with them? I may as well just get on with things. I mean - i'm already costong the NHS enough just having chemo. Just trying to get my head arounf it all!

  • Hello LordMelbury

    I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the difficult situation that you find yourself in. I can understand why you are thinking as you are. Have you talked things through with your family or Consultant? Although it may be a difficult conversation to have I do thin kit's worth speaking to them before you make any decisions about your treatment. 

    If you'd like to talk things through with one of our team of nurses then you're welcome to call them. They are available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    Sending you my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

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    I have to admit that I had exactly the same thoughts as you when all the advice on self isolation started to come out. 

    I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in september last year and given 12 months to live. I finished palliative chemotherapy in january this year and luckily had a good response.

    At first it really annoyed me when people told me to self isolate and asked me if I was worried about catching the virus. I thought it was a ridiculous question to ask someone who is dying from cancer and just wanted to tell them that dying from a virus seems like an easier option. 

    After seeing how much the NHS is struggling I have come to realise it is not all about me. Yes I am costing the NHS a fortune but if I get the virus and spread it to others then I am going to put extra pressure on a system that is already at breaking point. As I am having hospital appointments every few weeks I decided to self isolate to protect the patients and staff rather than myself. 

    Even though I am currently only in contact with my husband I am still managing to enjoy life. I have virtual coffee breaks and after work drinks with my work colleagues and meet up with friends on skype to do quizzes etc. We have set up a home gym so I meet my husband after work (which is now our spare room) for a gym session or we sit out in the garden and enjoy the sun. 

    Being in isolation isn't that bad. It is still possible to enjoy time with family and friends even if we cant physically be with them. Hopefully in 10 -12 weeks the worst will be over and we will all be virus free and able to make the most of whatever time we have left, 

    Take care 

    Georgina 

     

     

     

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    Hi Lordmelbury,

    I'm in the same situation. I'm 50, a mother of 2 (12 & 14). I'm going to start my Chemo next week. Doctor told me to isolate myself. I don't know how I'm going to cope with that. The thought of I can't hold my boys any more is killing me. When I told my son from next week, mummy can't do it anymore more. He broke in to tear. It's so painful... 

    Our life are shattered after the bad news. Bad enough to deal with Cancer but I have to worried about them catching the virus.. We have no family, only me, my husband and the boys. I'm trying  to tell myself I have to be strong for my kids and my husband.

    It's going to be hard but I will fight it until my last breathe.
    I want to tell you, you are not alone in this ****** situation and I wishes you all the best.

    We can do it xxx

  • Offline in reply to Sosoblue

    Hi Sosoblue, 

    I'm so sorry to hear your awful situation. I was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer on the second day of lockdown with both kids at home (7 and 14) It has been an awful time but thankfully after lots of tests they confirmed it had only spread to one lymph node and not to my liver as they originally thought. 

    I had a lumpectomy and full lymph node clearance about 6 weeks ago and am currently going through chemo (1st cycle was only 4 days ago) My dr has not told me to self isolate from my children or my family and I wouldn't dream of not being able to hold my kids.... My kids and my husband have all been isolating at home for the past 10 weeks or so-  apart from my husband going to the shops (which he won't be doing now as I'm listed as vulnerable so can eventually get the shopping slots) However he is probably going to have to start going into work a couple of days a week as of next week which is quite frightening for me. They are all geared up to the social distancingat hoods work but this virus is so scary for people like us with low immune systems 
     

    I am wondering why your dr told you that you wouldn't be able to hug your boys? Are they going out and meeting people outside the house? 

    I couldn't dream of anything worse than not being able to hug your kids. Maybe speak to your dr again? 
     

    I wish you lots of luck and strength in dealing with this dreadful disease in such an awful situation.

     

     Amanda. x 

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    the NHS letter is ONLY advice. Funny how the media and politics twisted things around

     

     if you follow this link

    www.gov.uk/.../guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

     

    scroll down to the section: 'If you do not want to be shielded'

     

    My interpretation is: it is the patient's choice, obviously the doctors will advice against but you can take control of your life. And of course you should not be 'running around' and speading the disease

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