Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time ... I can only tell you from family expierance when my niece lost her partner at 28 ... they had two little ones together, and he was an amazing step dad to her other 3 ..  his two were 3 and 10 months ... the older ones 11 to 7 ... 

It was like a tsunami swept through the whole family ... my niece slept in his clothes and nearly just stopped ... she has a wonderful family and we all helped with kids while holding her up from drowning .. l chatted a lot to the older ones, and found out loads about their grief, and how they grieve differently from us adults ... 

We grieve 24/7 .. from the moment our eyes open till we sleep .. young ones have the ability to cry / grieve and feel really sad .. and a little while later can switch off for a while .. if only we had that ability ..

I found really listening to them, and not try to "make it better" coz we can't.. but let them know it's o.k to feel anything ... happy / sad / cry and be angry .. and even smile or laugh .. it's o.k ...  hopefully your child has someone who loves her ( a lass) and can just listen ... there are places to go for young ones who have lost a parent .. I think it's called "Winston's wish" but check with McMillan.. they usually have info .. and there's someone there you can chat to on the phone .. take any councilling you can .. look it up .. reach out .. you need to help yourself so you can help her baby ... she is half of your wife .. your wife will live through her child ... 

About my wonderfull niece .. those two babies are all grown up .. the lad looks the image of his dad .. the baby girl, has finished university... with honours and a top job .. my niece has found a wonderful man , one of the kindest ever ... but all of them carry their hubby / step dad / daddy in their hearts .. we still all talk about him now .. 

Your at the start of one of the hardest journeys you'll ever go through .. take it one day at a time .. keep your child close .. that's what your wife would want .. don't be scared to cry together .. to admit your both scared and lots of hugs .. and know it's o.k to grieve differently and that's o.k .. she needs you more then you'll ever know .. help her daughter, and she will look down and be so very proud of you both .. 

Sending you a vertual hug... and a nanny hug to your daughter ... my granddaughter in pic , would love her to have one ...  Chrissie xx

Thank you very much Chriss for your wholehearted support. I promised to her that I will look after our daughter and so I will fight for her. 

Baby steps ... just take baby steps ...

Like when you were a baby, and needed carrying everywhere .. then one day you took one shaky step .. then two with a wobble.... and oh so slowly, one day you just did it .. 

The first year is raw .. just get through the day ..anyway you can .. and know you'll have those days where your drowning ... but look up at that face that's your daughter ... she's the two of you together ... and reach out for that life line ...  

My daughter in law's friend died from cancer last year at 31 .. he has two children... to bring up, 8 and 5 .. your not alone ... she was the most amazing lass I had the privilege to meet ... and later get that book Rio Ferdinand wrote .. he was where you are now ... maybe something he wrote may help ... 

But my heart goes out to you both ... if this cancer takes me, the last thing I do, will be to stick two fingers up to it ... because it wants everyone touched by cancer to be it's victim ... it wants you to lay down and never get up... well you look it in the eye ... and you tell it, you will not be it's victim .. yes it'll be a hard journey ... but every time later on if you smile, your wife will smile with you .. and cancer can go hang it's head in shame ...   Chrissie x

Thank you Chrissie x