Hi everyone, it's my first time posting on here, my beautiful mum died on the 15th November from throat cancer, we only had the diagnosis in July. My mum began experiencing a painful throat when she swallowed at first, over time the pain got so bad she could hardly swallow anything, we ended up getting her admitted to hospital, she had a ct scan and an mri scan which actually showed nothing and so mum was being treated for nerve pain, the pain was so severe they gave her a special endoscopy whilst she was under anastetic as it was impossible to get the camera down normally, this is when they found the cancer it had been hidden behind her voice box hence why it wasn't showing on the scans. Mums swallow mechanism had totally stopped working and she ended up being fed through a feeding peg into her stomach. My mum has only ever been a little lady and the peg wouldn't stay in place, and caused a lot more problems so they took it out and so could not feed her any other way. Mum was also too weak for an operation or an radiotherapy. So sadly mum passed away. We cremated mum 3 days ago and I was managing ok really until then, now I just don't want to do anything. I am angry with my husband as his parents are staying this weekend and I am hiding in my room whilst everyone is downstairs it's too soon for me to feel like socialising and I feel guilty because my children want them to stay but I don't. So everyone is having fun or so it seems whilst I am so sad in bed. Myself and my sister booked a meal for tonight too as it seemed a nice idea at the time but I don't feel ready to go out now I feel guilty again because now she misses out too. I feel like I want to be left alone at least for a bit. Thank you for listening to me rant, maybe it will help? The one person who would understand is the person I that brings me here