Hi Cancermom,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear chemo is not an option for you and that, without it, your time may be limited. It sounds as if you are dealing with this head on and trying to make preparations.  if you are writing a letter to your eldest, please also write one to your youngest. A letter like this is one that both will treasure throughout their lives. Although your youngest may not be able to read yet, it won't be long until s/he can. Some people also like to write separate letters for the big milestones in their children's lives, special birthdays, weddings, birth of grandchildren, etc.

Planning your funeral is also a good idea. I took out a funeral plan years ago and have stipulated what type of service and music I want. Having paid this in advance, I know that I won't be leaving additional financial burden on my loved ones after I have gone.

Sorting out your finances is also wise, but please make sure that you leave a will. Regardless of how straightforward your affairs may seem, it is always much more difficult to distribute and takes much longer when someone dies intestate.

A number of people now like to arrange a DNR (do not ressucitate) as they reach the end of life. This prevents medical teams from prolonging life when there is no quality of life left. This is totally up to you and how you feel, but it is probably worth discussing with your doctor.

Holding a wake sounds like a good idea, if a little unusual. Make sure that you hold it before you are too ill to enjoy it. I don't think that you have missed anything else out.

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. We are always here for you whenever you want to chat.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx