Hi

Looks like you've been through a lot and still doing so. Its not easy dealing with someone who has mental health issues. I have a brother who has attempted suicide 3 times now and a son who has severe MH issues. I have had to deal with MH services for the past 8 years and I can only say as I find.

No amount of persuasion is going to change the MH person's mind, they will do what they want and resent anyone interfering with that. That's not to say we stand back and let them harm themselves but if you look at the research of suicide by Rory O'Connor from Glasgow University into suicide, his research shows that a person seriously looking to take their own life is not scared of death, its odd, as like your sister, my brother is terified of dying but it did not stop him from trying to take his own life, which suggests that they don't want to die ,they just want the pain to stop.

You are asking your sister to face her greatest fear i.e. dying by wanting her to have tests, its no wonder she wants none of it.  You obviously love your sister and think if she gets the tests then she'll get better, unfortunately I think your putting too much faith in your solution as I think all that will happen is she will find another medical issue to focus on - that's the nature of mental health. Plus you may be feeding her anxiety by mentioning scans as this will reinforce that she's right, there is something major wrong with her - why not make light of her cough by suggesting she might need antibiotics from the GP - at least that way she will be in the medical chain and GP can see to her.

Your sister is responsible for her own life and she's asking you to accept that, she's also asking you to accept her as the person she is now, not what you want her to be - I think it really important that you recognise her rights and tell her you love and accept her for everything she is. 

For what its worth I also think she should be seeing someone more qualified than a counsellor given the seriousness of her condition.

I too feel helpless, that's because I have no control over the MH issues in my family and its hard to see someone go through this but I'm afraid, like me, you are going to have to support her on her terms if you want to have any type of positive relationship with her.

MH can be an isolating experience for all involved but especially for the person with the MH issues, its not enough just to talk to someone about MH fears, they want to talk to someone who gets them, that way they don't feel alone.My advice is that you try and be the person who gets her. xx