hi Swk

Just thought I would pop on and give you a virtual hug. Everything you’ve described about how you are feeling is normal, it’s natural for your brain to jump to the worst case scenario, it’s also natural to start questioning every ache and pain.  So when I was going through my tests a lady on here said it’s not worth worrying about something as you don’t know whether it’s something yet, you can’t change it.  And actually she was right, and try not to think about the past and what ifs as you can’t change that either. Just deal with what you know is true. And remember that the majority of referrals to the breast clinic turn out not to be cancer. 

Let me know how you get on at your appointment and I hope for the best possible outcome for you. X

Hi there - you are clearly struggling with this for quite understandable reasons but you know, based on your medical knowledge, that you may well be worrying for no good reason. What would you say to a patient in your situation? Try to tell yourself the same things if you possibly can.

You say you feel you're being weak - no sweetie - just human that's all. We human beings have an enormous capacity to cope with things we think will be unbearable. If worst comes to worst you'll find a way to cope as your patients would. But try not to get ahead of yourself - don't spoil your life whilst you wait until all is sorted out or you'll be cross with yourself later :)

Take care sweetie.x

Hi SWK, i understand exactly how you are feeling, i felt i was a strong person like you and if anything happened like cancer etc i would like you be able to handle it. last year like you my brain went into over drive , as i thought i had cervical cancer and i had a  tumour on my overies. AS i had thickening of the cervix lining which went from 4 to 14 in a space of a year and, indeed i did have a tumour on one of my overies. but like you i imagined the worst, kept imagining things , thought i was dying with cancer and kept crying and felt very shakey. what you are feeling is very normal regaurdless of your job.  Try not to research Doctor goggle and   do somethings to try and take your mind away from it. I know its easier than said than done .I too  started having pains etc, but it was just my body and mind creating it because of fear. Things i never noticed before now i noticed every twing  and ache in my body and i think that is what you are doing.try to think like i did in the end , i thought and told myself if it was the worst i could not change  what i had so i would seek treatment , fight it , and get better. long story i had a total hysterectomy and the overies taken out , they were tested and every thing was benign . So until you get the results and have the tests done, try to be calm and  take your mind to other things ,keep busy as well if you can.hope all goes well with your tests etc and the out come. Best of luck and have a positive outcome, always here to talk.

Hi SWK,

“Clinicians make lousy patients”is a terrible stereotypical view but is very true. You have too much knowledge and negative experience to refer to and are trained to look and plan for worst case scenarios. You also work in ED where the pace of working life is frenetic, so waiting weeks for results and follow up investigations isn’t something you’re used to. 

So all you can do is take a step back and find a distraction while you’re off sick and waiting to get a full diagnosis and prognosis. On the plus side, if the news is bad your mind will probably have started to come to terms with your worst case fears. If the news is good you will be elated.

It sounds like you’re already trying to think logically about alternative explanations many of which are more likely than cancer. 

You’re right, depression is about being worried unnecessarily - you are understandably anxious because of the awful situation you find yourself. It would be unusual not to be - whatever your chosen career. Just a thought but could this have triggered latent PTSD dating back to your sepsis incident? 

Cut yourself some slack, even experienced nurses are human :-) 

Best wishes and good luck!

Dave