Hi

Today I had my results for my colposcopy. My smear came back as only borderline changes but my biopsy has shown CIN 2 and CIN 3. Waiting on lletz appointment. The letter was so brief. It literally said "just a note to let you know". 

I know a lot of people go through this and are fine. I'm feeling super stupid though cause I only had my first smear this year (I've just turned 30) after being raped as a teenager. 

I'm scared as well because I've been having problems with my bladder for around 8 months now. The symptoms sometimes fluctuate so it's been easy to put to the back of my mind. It feels like I don't empty my bladder properly, I leak a small amount when I stand up from the toilet, I feel like I need to go all the time. In the last few months I've had string like particle on the toilet paper when I wipe. Trace amounts of blood and protine. Occasionally a single black pepper like specs in the toilet bowl. 

I've been back a forth to the gp and been given the same antibiotics 5 times. The first few times it did seem to help. Could be coincidence. All 6 urine tests came back clear of infection. I had a blood test a couple of weeks ago that showed sedimentation and my liver had borderline something... They didn't really say. But they said it can fluctuate.

Today, same day I got my letter for CIN, I wiped and saw blood on the toilet paper. It was not mixed with the urine. It might just be from wiping too much or I might be coming on my period but all day my head's been convinced that I just have a bunch of cancer in my pelvis and that's what's caused the CIN. I don't even know if that's possible? I've also been quite achey around my pelvis all day. 

I am due a ultrasound on my abdomen on September 19 but it feels like a life time to wait. 

I'm freaked out. Sorry for the essay.