Thanks so much Chrissy that was such a lovely reply & I really can’t stand my sister-in-law it’s all true. She’s perthetic inconsiderate selfish small minded bitter cow, just do not get what the hell my brother see in her. 

Anyways moving on. I was supportive get my verdic today from my surgeon ( she already told me that th the  tumours that were removed on the right side they found three additional cancers within the perimeter and she booked me a targeted MRI scan which I had last Friday. Today I get a call to say the MRI has picked up other things and now needs to be passed on and re-reads more  thoroughly . It’s put the fear of g-d into me to be honest. I’m sure they’ll take of my right breast. Bust I just pray that all.

 tomorrow I’ve got a targeted ultrasound and drainage on the right side as there is so much fluid builds up and that hurts like hell as there is no anaesthetic and they just stick a needle in like popping a balloon. Strangely I don’t have any on my left side at all and that’s smooth and no pain whatsoever.. But the right side is bumpy swollen disfigured and hurts . 

I’m not having a good day at all and again it more waiting and waiting and waiting ..... 

still feel terrible about not telling my daughter but she’s so happy abroad doing her thing, your free and in love for the first time ever with such a lovely boy. I just don’t want to put this in her head. She’s got absolutely no control over what happens so to start just putting her in a tail spin now I just feel is wrong. She’s 21 but as there’s only ever been just us although she dependent and living overseas, she’s very very attached me me and this is something that would just frighten her so much she’d screw up everything .

i think I’ll just wait and see what’s what. 

My mum had a mastectomy at 41 shes now 86 and so amazing. I was 10 at the time and I remember being on holiday and she felt this small area of what seemed like ruff skin. 

When we came back she saw her doctor who took her into surgery, but she wasn’t  warned  And just woke up without the right breast , cut under the muscle to the bone totally concave. She was in hospital a month. 

She told me it took her 10 years to really come to terms with it and also couldn’t bare to look at herself, but now says she regrets not having reconstruction and that she wished she would off. 

Shes wears a prosthesis and always looks so smart no one would ever know, but she knows, and now she has to watch me. It’s terrible for her. 

When did you have your op? Would you consider a reconstruction? 

Lovely to speak to you my love 

sleep well & I’ll check back soon

jayne xxx

It’s good that your eating little but more often now, I also have absolutely no appetite & in the past 18 months since my dad passed away I lost 36lbs and in 5’8 I looks ill but I’m just not hungry so don’t think about food. 

However saying that we MUST eat, it’s vital to feed out immune system so please keep it up & just try and avoid sugar as much as possible . 

Mom on  fruit bran cereal  About 5 tbl spoons full every morning, not much during the day, maybe a banana or 1 slice of toast but in the early evening I eat fish usually with veg & potatoes. 

Even wentbto the Toby carvers last week & had a plate of roast veg & some turkey (it was lovely) 

its great that your reading , I used to read loads but can’t focus so I stare at the TV and rarely know what I’m watching, it sends me of to sleep. 

Its great your getting out too, you’ve got your confidence back to go to the library and that’s marvellous, well done you. 

Sleep well my friend 

Jayne xx

I’m so pleased I made you smile, it’s great you reacted like that and saw the funny side of things .

im trying to be positive but I’m so in limdo right now, I’ve had bilateral surgery but the histology report sad 3 more cancers were found. So I had to have this targeted MRI last week. 

Today I was supposed to see the surgeon but the breast clinic called to sat mire things have been picked up in the MRI and needs to be read more   Thoroughly . So another week to wait and get through. Tomorrow I’ve got an ultra sound and drainage of fluid in my right side only. . 

Tjink its time for a cuppa and sleeping pill.

Lots of love to you 

sleep well 

Jayne xxx

Would you consider a reconstruction? Mum says it’s her biggest regret, but you’ve got to be ready and do it when you feel you want to 

I spoke to a lady who has a mastectomy at 37 and for her 50th had the reconstruction, she’s 55 now and said it’s the best thing she’s rver done and can’t belive now it took her 13 years, but she just wasn’t ready. So in your own time 

thank you for your kind thoughtful response, I’m very anxious and stressed especially after loosing my day then my daughter joining the army. My brothers kind in a dutiful way but I have very little support from people who really understand , so I genuinely appreciate your kind words sleep well my friend 

g-d bless you 

Jayne 

Your amazing chrissy

and insparational I completely agree with you about being her with one boob or not at all and it’s great you have such a warm and loving relationship with your precious granddaughter. 

I do remember when my mum had her breast removed she was 41 and I was 10 & I asked her the same thing ‘when will it grow back’.  I guess having a beautiful brilliant mum of 85 with me today after what she went through 44 years ago I should feel more positive and see what a great mentor she she, but I’m a wreck inside, this past week my stomach has been hurting, my back hursts and I just feel

that I’m riddled with disease. 

My surgeon was suppose to see me yesterday but cancelled as the breast clinic said additional things have been seen on the MRI and they need a specialist radiologist to read it before she gets her knifes out again. So now got another week to get through 

this morning I’ve got a ultra sound and more needle draining with is so bloody painful.

hay ho another day to get through 

feeling lost

love to you 

Jayne xxxxx

Hi Jayne...

Well I've got my boxing gloves back out, to fight in your corner ... I've had my weak days too .. it must be gutting to get more thrown at you ... and feeling overwhelmed... so I'm vertually holding your hand right now ... 

Hold on in there hunny ... your not alone ... let us know how you go ... you've deff got a fighting spirit even if you don't feel you have right now .. being brave .. that is the word we use for those who are scared witless but still doing what you have to anyway.... that's brave ...

Sending you a vertual hug... chrissie

your so lovely Chrissy and make me smile 

I had a scan today and he said the new lump is a small blood clot & they did a needle biopsy and dispersed it. 

Mother than that he said both breasts so far seem ok. Now the MDT will make there conclusion about a mastectomy next week, another lumpectomy or lazer. 

Finally the W/end off so I’m gonna just relax be positive get those pink gloves fastened and get back my fighting spirit. 

G-d bless you sweet lady 

lots of love 

jayne