Hi, i'm new here and i'm not sure if anyone still follows this post but reading all the replies encouraged me to sign up and post.

I'm turning 26 soon and went for my first smear just short of a year ago which has left me feeling extremely humiliated and never wanting to go back !

I'm a lesbian and my partner and I have been together since school. We're the only person the other has ever been with so i'm not sure of my risk when it comes to cervical cancer but when I got the letter for my first smear although I was terrified I booked my appointment straight away.

I told the nurse I hadn't had penetrative sex and asked if she would use the smallest speculum available. She did but after numerous attempts she couldn't find my cervix. She asked an older nurse to come in who still had the same problem and at this point I was bleeding so much that the nurse said I would have to come back another day to use a bigger speculum. I was so embarrased I ended up in tears as I was lay there and it's put me off ever going for one again.

I found the whole ordeal so humiliating and I'm still embarrased thinking about it now.  I find it so condesending the way that the nurses look at you when you tell them you've not had sex with a man and i'm always cautious in any healthcare conversation when it comes to the sexually active question as I never quite know what to say and I am cautious of being discriminated against and just dismissed if I tell them I'm a lesbian.

The nurse told me to book another appointment during the middle of my cycle as my cervix will be positioned better but I have PCOS so I don't have regular cycles.

After months of waiting, I've finally been able to have an appointment with a gynae about my PCOS and when I mentioned about my smear, he said it doesn't matter where you are in your cycle for your smear test so I don't know what to do.

I am terrified of going through the same thing that happened last time as well as being confronted with a patronsing and condensending nurse who almost looks at you with pity when you tell her you've not had sex with a man.

Am I really at risk if I've only ever had one partner that's been a woman? I'm wondering whether I should ask if I can have the smear at the place where I have been seeing the gynaecologst as maybe they're better and it won't be quite as traumatic. Is this possible or does it have to be done at your doctors (or a hospital like other people on this thread have mentioned?)

Hi OA123,

I am so sorry to hear that you smear caused you such distress. I completely understand how you feel as I also was treated in a similar way and now dread going for a smear test. It is such a shame as it is so important that women have the test - the last thing we need is to be made to feel humiliated and embarrassed.

My understanding is that your risk is low but this does not mean you should not have the test. As the nurse said to me, there have been cases of nuns having cervical cancer! So even those who are celibate can still be at risk. I would encourage you to try and get the test done. Remember, this is your healthcare providers issue - not yours. It is for them to cater to your medical needs. 

I am a little more confident than I was years ago and try to be more assertive in these situations. I've been through 4 rounds of IVF and recently gave birth to my daughter so perhaps that has made me more resilient in addressing these issues. I have never had sex with a man and I have a baby, eat that NHS! :wink:

I hope you are able to get your smear test done soon. I eventually found an experienced and compassionate nurse after being passed from Dr to Dr for months. Don't give up - there are good people out there, you just need to find them. :happy:

I'm not sure if anyone's still reading this conversation but I've just had another failed attempt at getting a smear.

it appears I have a long vagina (who knew!) and she had to use a larger speculum which got too painful. The nurse is referring me to the colcosposy unit but I'm concerned about being made to feel bad or inadequate about not being able to stand this test at the GPS.

i understand from the thread above there's a tall speculum which is just linger but not wider than the small speculum so should I ask for that?

Hi Kayjo24, I'm sorry to hear that you've had another failed attempt. It really does take a mental toll on you, doesn't it? The attitudes of healthcare staff often don't help either!

You could certainly ask for the tall speculum and see if that makes a difference. The nurse that successfully did my screening said that it should be judged on your height more than anything else. I'm not overly tall (5ft5) but am on the taller side. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions and push for answers. It's their job to get your screening done - any failures are THEIR failures, not yours. Good luck and hope you can get the screening done soon. 

Hi Kayjo24, I'm sorry to hear that you've had another failed attempt. It really does take a mental toll on you, doesn't it? The attitudes of healthcare staff often don't help either!

You could certainly ask for the tall speculum and see if that makes a difference. The nurse that successfully did my screening said that it should be judged on your height more than anything else. I'm not overly tall (5ft5) but am on the taller side. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions and push for answers. It's their job to get your screening done - any failures are THEIR failures, not yours. Good luck and hope you can get the screening done soon.