First of all I’m so very sorry to hear this.

Im posting as a Dad, I’ve recently discovered I have Melanoma Cancer that has reached stage 3 after being diagnosed at stage 1B.  This has all happened since Christmas.  My children, both daughters don’t know and to be honest I really didnt want to worry them and hoped that my early treatment would mean I would be cured and they never need know or had to worry about me.

However it has t gone that way and it’s now at the stage I am going to need to tell them and It’s an agony I could never ever have imagined I would ever have to endure.  I can imagine your Dad will have the same feeings as me about his illness and will be very worried about you and your very natural fears and concern for him.  I can’t speak for him of course but this is how I hope my kids will handle the situation which I know will be hard for them.

Just try to be the same as always.   The thing about this disease is how it changes so many things,  it’s only a few months for me so far but already how I hate having to go to hospital, hate having  to wait for appointments, wait for news, not being able to plan ahead, there always something that revolves around the cancer.

All I want is for things to be like they were before, warts and all.  Normality looks really good right now.    

However you’re going to be feeling anxious and fearful, I know my girls will too and whilst I dearly hope home will be much as it always was I really don’t want my girls to bottle up their feelings incase they ‘upset’ me.  I want them to talk to me as they always did.  Be just as cheeky, just be them.

So my advice is to talk to your Dad every day as you always have,  just be as normal as possible but equally don’t bottle up your fears, tell him how you feel and you can help each other process what is afterall a nightmare situation.    Just being there is all you need to do.

Oh and don’t forget to tell him you love him.  That’s the best thing a Dad can ever hear from his Daughter.

This is a ramble I know,  this is my first post here and I’m in a strange place without doubt but I hope this is helpful and I wish you and your Dad the very best and strength for the time ahead.  

Hi Daddysgirl47,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis. 

My dad has also recently been diagnosed in the last couple of weeks with two brain tumors picked up on an MRI scan because he was having vision problems and a CT scan has shown that the brain tumors are cancer which have spread from his lungs.

I am also competely heart broken and in shock. My dad is our rock too xx 

It's difficult to know what to say and do. He's had lots of appointments since the diagnosis and the waiting between appointments is hard. Some days it feels like it's all a horrible dream and doesn't feel real and then other days it hits you like a massive blow.

I don't know what I can say to help but at the moment we're just taking each day as it comes and I'm trying to spend as much time with my dad as possible and trusting my instincts on how to handle everything. At first I was so devestated by the news and just wanted to be at my parents house all the time but I worried about doing anything out of the ordinary in case that upset or worried him and struggled to know what to do or say. I would say trust your instincts x you'll know when to be strong and you will find an inner stength and there will also be times when you'll feel emotional and just need to have a good cry and let it all out xx 

I wish you and your family all the best.

X

Dear Alittlebitlost,

You sound like an incredibly strong father and I'm so sorry to hear your cancer has reached stage 3 and that you need to break this news to your daughters.

Thank you for sharing your feelings and advice on here. This is my first visit to the site. My dad has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and two brain tumours. Your post has helped me to understand how he might be feeling and coping with everything that's going on

Thank you.

I wish you and your family all the best Xx

Thank you for your reply. 

I am so sorry for what you must be going through. Personally I am so glad I was with my dad when he received the news. I want to be able to support him in anyway I can. 

It will be heartbreaking to hear but then you can all spend more time together and appreciate every minute you have together.

Sending lots of love and support to you and your daughters xx

Dear Lanzagirl79,

Thank you for your reply. It does feel so unreal right now. 

I am sad and angry and optimistic and preparing for the worst all at the same time.

Sending you lots of love and support through such a difficult time

xx

Hi

You really are most welcome.  I’ve seen this forum described as the one no one wants to be a member of which is true but I’m I am already feeling less isolated and I appreciate your advice and I’m pleased for your Dad that you could be with him at that moment.  

Time is all we have and it’s precious, you’re right there’s no escaping the facts it’s going to be awful but its what we do after that that needs to count.

wishing you all the best.  X

Thank you Lanzagirl79

I really appreciate your reply, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dads diagnosis and I’m pleased sharing my feelings right now has been a little helpful. 

I was at work yesterday just being my usual self which I now know is very important to me, I don’t forget about my disease, some of the people I work with closely know about it but most people don’t and again that normality is so calming.

Everyone is different of course but this is how I’m coping right now.  

Sending you and your Dad my very best wishes x