Hi there..

So glad you found us .. l know it's a place none of us really want to be, but it is a "safe place" where you will get support, as we've all been touched by cancer ..

Like you I've lost far too many loved ones , 2 to cancer .. my sister is in the late stage dementure... a niece with cystic fibrosis. ..an uncle with Parkinson's. . and lots of other family that all seem to have something ... .. l myself are going on this journey, with a grade 3 breast cancer .. I'm telling you this, because like you, it can feel overwhelmed when we look at the whole picture ...

I try to concentrate on one thing at a time, and deal with that ...your far from pathetic.... be kind to yourself ... your not super woman. . Just human ... and sometimes it helps writing things down .. you'll get lots of support on here .. you can vent, chat, or anything you want .. just get them feelings out, as it's when you hold them in, it becomes overwhelming. . So any time you want a chat ... you get it off your chest ... then you'll feel stronger again .. and can cope better ..

Sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie

Thank you so much for your kind words. My sister has been so brave during her battle but now she knows it`s a losing battle and it`s just a matter of time. Her pain still isn`t under control and I think it won`t be long before she has a syringe driver fitted. For now she`s on liquid morphine plus slow release morphine tablets plus another painkiller i can`t pronounce but she`s still in pain and has recently slowed down her eating and drinking because she says it`s too painful to swallow and it burns when she does swallow. 

The hospital have said they`ll contact Macmillans and the district nurses. The district nurses have already visited but nothing yet from Macmillans. She`s sleeping most of the time but you can tell it isn`t a peaceful sleep because of the pain, its a restless agitated sleep.

What saddens me most is I don`t live within easy distance of her so I`m unable to spend as much time with her as I want to. When my first husband had cancer we lived within spitting distance of each other and she was my rock but I`ve since remarried and moved to another town.

My second husband is great about it all and says if i want to move in with my sister and help care for her until the end then he`s happy for me to do so but my brother in law is in total denial about how serious the situation is and keeps saying she`ll improve once they get her meds sorted and that she`ll be around for a long time to come. A lot of this comes from his mental health state, he suffers from OCD and also anxiety and depression and has done for years. Whenever I approach the subject of coming to help him care for her, he shrugs off the suggestion and says there`s no need. I simply don`t know what to do next.