Hi Tinala,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's partner and I offer my sincere sympathy on your loss.

We had a similar problem with my father-in-law. My mum-in-law died 4 months to the day prior to my father-in-law. He has been getting worse day by day since Christmas. We brought his GP out to see him and she got some bloods taken. That was just before Christmas. We have had another 2 GPs from the practice since, but none of them mentioned that there was anything amiss. The last one admitted him to the day hospital for assessment.

When he arrived he was admitted to a ward and had more bloods taken, as well as an X-ray and an ECG. By that afternoon, a doctor took us into a private room and told us that he was riddled with cancer and, although they hadn't traced the primary source, they had found it in his upper gastro intestinal tract, thoracic tract, stomach, liver, bowel, brain and lungs. That night he was given a blood transfusion. The following day he had a CT scan and was visited by the onchology consultant.

She told us that at best he could have 2 weeks, but advised us to get family home from abroad as quickly as possible. She discussed future care and advised him that the hospice might be the best place for him. She said that this was usually arranged by the palliative care team and that they would be in to see him very shortly. We then had to wait for the palliative care consultant, who didn't turn up until the following Monday.

She advised him to go to the hospice and, then told us that she had been advised that he was too unstable to move. The folowing day, he was reassessed and given the go ahead to travel the mile down the road to the hospice. He arrived there in the morning and died at 3.20am that first night. As a family, we are all reeling from the speed from diagnosis to death, which was only 6 days.

I can understand how you feel, being a nurse, but it is all too easy to miss something like this in a family member. Please don't beat yourself up about this. When even the cancer specialists couldn't save him, what chance did you have?

I have lost both of my parents and several relatives and close friends to cancer, and have had 3 bouts of it myself in the past 9 years. It is a horrible disease and is no respector of age, gender or creed. I pray  that one of these days a cure may be found for it.

I hope that you and your family can gradually pick up the pieces.

Thinking of you all and wishing you the strength to carry on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx