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Pre-barevement grief

Md141
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Hello,

Its my 1st time posting but just wanted to talk to someone and share my feelings because I know I'm not the only one.....

My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer (lung and bone) 2 yrs ago and was given a couple of months to live. Luckily for us she is still putting up a fight, but is now really show signs that the cancer is  starting to take hold more now.

I am dealing with pre-barevement grief, which is something not many people know exists, I  certainly didn't before mum being diagnosed. It affects my memory (I'm just so forgetful now) and some days I just feel so down I just don't do anything. I'm glad on those days my children keep me going and help me get through the day and give me something to focus on.

 

I'm sat here now in the dark in my kitchen after having another wobble in my pre berevement state, it always seems to catch me just as I'm going to sleep....bang it hits me and I'm suddenly crying uncontrollably, obviously over the thought of losing my mum, but then the worrying about my dad, how will he cope after. How do I explain to my 6yr old ( who adores his nanny) that he will never see her again, how will my older children cope, even how will i cope after......

We have all talked as a family and we (My mum, dad, husband and I) have all come to terms with what's going to happen but it's just that horrible feeling of spending as much quality time together and making as many happy memories as possible and on the flip side waiting for my mum to pass.

Cancer is evil.

Sending all my love to everyone going through this and who loves someone going through this, I definitely think talking helps xx 

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    Hi Md141,

    I’m so glad you posted as this sounds exactly like what we’re going through as a family at the minute and like you say I didn’t know pre-bereavement grief existed! My sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer 5 months ago but they didn’t give us any idea of how long she has. She’s only 33 and normally really healthy so it was a massive shock to us all. She has 2 beautiful children just 2 years old and the other 5 months old (she was still pregnant when diagnosed). 

    Her kids are the only reason I get out of bed most mornings and often the thought of a future without her just overwhelms me and I cry for hours. We’re so lucky because we’re so close but that means that losing her feels like the end of my world. I can’t listen to the radio as every song has some connection to her and I’m constantly petrified of all the ‘breakdown’ moments that I know I’ll have for the rest of my life especially when I’m doing something with her children that I know she should be doing instead. Sorry to be so down! They say misery loves company but in this situation you really feel like you’re the only family that’s ever dealt with this and it’s so nice to hear about others who feel like you do.

    Im really sorry to hear about your mum, it’s so bloody cruel and I just hope she’s not in any pain. Stay strong x

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