Zoebee, I am so sorry to hear your news.

my Dad had lung cancer which spread to the spine. He was only ill for 8 weeks, diagnosed for 5 before passing away in December. I was in tears for that whole time, angry at the situation & the world also. Crying is normal, know that & go with it, driving would always set me off (still does). Speak with your employer, explain & hope that they will be compasionate around it. All your feelings are normal. It’s such a life changing time.

Hi I lost my partner in December after being in the hospice with him for 8 weeks. I gave up my job to be with him. The rollercoaster of a journey that I was on in those 8 weeks was horrendous.  He suffered badly from anxiety in the time he was in the hospice and never wanted me to leave him. He was so scared of being on his own that I still feel tremendous guilt that I have abounded him and he us o  his own somewhere scared. You will go through every emotion possible while this is happening and afterwards. I am heartbroken and still can't believe I will never see him again. Look after yourself and be easy on yourself easier said than done I know as I'm still beating myself up now. Take care xxx

Hi Zoebee,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's prognosis. How has your mum taken this news? I lost my own mum 21 years ago, in similar circumstances.

You will need to be the stronger and more positive person if you are to help her through this. Instead of dwelling on her prognosis, try to make precious memories with her, talk to her and don't leave anthing left unsaid. Most people find that it is easier for everyone if you can  remain positive throughout - not always easy, I know!

The emotions you have are all perfectly normal. Don't worry about crying. This can be a good stress reliever. Your anger will just eat away at you, so try to let go of this.

Please keep us updated and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Zoebee

I’m sorry for your sadness & heartache. We are all only tourists here for a while. 

Make every day left count do something silly or different or special to your mum & you & capture it, so you can see it next year & the next etc.. Even if it’s just a smile  

There will be days when that will make a world of difference 

CA x

Hello Zoe,

My mum's cancer originally started in her breast and due to mestasis has successfully reached both breasts (again), lymph nodes, liver, kidneys, spine, lungs, pelvis and now her beautiful brain. 

I'm young and don't have much advice however i wanted to reassure you that a prognosis is realistic but not neccesarily accurate- i have had friends who have been given 3 months and are still here 3 years later (without changing anything), my mum was given a year and despite the cancer growing and spreading she's still with us! 

Talk to your employer, you will find people can be incredibly understanding and empathetic when it comes to cancer. An idea my family recently tried was starting a whatsapp group called "Sue's helpers!" whenever someone used the phrase "please let me know if theres anything we can do to help" we would ask if we could add them and if my mum ever needs anything now like a lift to the doctors or someone to check up on her during the day, we always are overwhelemed with the kindness of people quickly offering to help!

hope this is helpful, sending my love to you and your family at this difficult time Xx

thank u for taking time to reply!!xx I’m soooo sorry to hear about ur partner I wish we had a manic wand ;-)  there’s really no words to say how u must feel, but I’m sending all the hugs I have! X yes my mums now in a hospice, to be honest it’s beautiful and at least she’s happy! But every day is a bonus! I’d love to spend every day with her but it’s jyst impossible to do! Hope ur well xxxx

thanks for the lovely message, it’s made me chuckle xxx yes ur so right to make everyday count!! Xxx 

thank u so much! So sorry to hear u lost ur mum to cancer too! It’s just heartbreaking how many people know someone or has it themself! Yer I’m finding every emotion possible this last few weeks! Just don’t know how to feel/ cry/ shout/ scream sounds silly but I’m almost numb now! My mums my best friend and don’t know who to talk to when I just need her! :-( xx 

Hi Zoebee,

I am glad to hear that your mum is now in a hospice and, hopefully getting the kind of care that a hospital just cannot offer.

We lost my father-in-law last week. He lost his wife of 80 years 3 months ago and, has been bereft since. Lately, he had failed a lot and, we got him into hospital for assessment the previous week. That afternoon he was diagnosed with cancer right throughout his body.

We got him transferred to a Hospice too. Sadly, he arrived there late morning and died at 3.20am overnight. That was less than a week from diagnosis to death, so, as you can imagine, we are all reeling at the speed that this has taken place.

Don’t worry about not being able to spend all of your time with your mum. She is probably pretty tired and people tend to sleep a lot at this stage. My father-in-law felt that he couldn’t really be bothered with visitors, as it was too much effort for him trying to talk.

Do please keep us updated on how your mum is getting on. Remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx