Hi Natayee,

I am so sorry to hear how your dad's personality has changed recently. I can understand how upset your mum and sister must be and it does sound as if they could do with additional support. Would they consider having carers in? We recently lost my mum-in-law, who was cared for for 3 years by my 97 year old father-in-law. When it became too much for him, we brought in carers 3 times a day to take care of her everyday needs. We also got a hospital bed installed to help prevent ulceration. The practice nurse came in a couple of times a week and she liaised with her GP re prescriptions,etc. We are really very fortunate in the UK. There was no cost whatsoever for these services.

We found that mum accepted care from the carers without a murmur, but she created when family members carried out the same procedures. Do you feel that your dad's pain is being sufficiently reduced with the medication that he's taking? Sometimes this needs to be increased or changed as the cancer progresses. Being in constant pain does nothing to help one's emotions. You may need to request more medication.

People can get pretty selfish and unappreciative when they are ill, especially when they have a diagnosis of advanced cancer. It can be very upsetting for loved ones who are trying their best to care for them. You know that this is out of character for him. All you can do is to try and make allowances for his behaviour.

We found that, with carers coming in to take care of everyday matters, we had more quality time with mum. We had to ask her GP for a referral to a social worker, but she was a marvellous help. Within a weekend she had everything in place. It was the ideal solution for mum. My in-laws had been together for 80 years and, this allowed them to stay together to the end.

A counsellor is not the solution for everyone and, I can understand that your dad may not want to be told what to do.

I do hope that your dad's frame of mind improves with time.

Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Natayee

I can sympathise with you. My husband is under palliative care with a tumour in his pancreas. He has become very demanding and selfish too. No matter what I do it's not enough and as you say he doesn't appreciate how hard it is for me. I understand he is really poorly and can't begin to know how he feels but us carers need some tlc too. I sometimes find it very hard not to lose my temper and occasionally do and that just makes things worse. We just have to keep going as best we can. I am sure there are lots more carers out there with the same feelings. It is very hard seeing someone you love changing like this

Suenmag

Hi Natayee,

As someone who has had and recovered from prostate cancer, I do know that the hormone therapy can change a mans personality. I found the slightest thing, bad or good news used to bring tears to my eyes and I had no control over it which as a man I found very difficult to deal with. What I read, Hormone therapy can cause a man to have mood changes and even become agry. So although I do understand how you feel, Some of it may well be a result of the medication. So try not to be too hard on him.

Hoping things improve, Brian

Thank you for your kind words.  Lots for us to consider. X

Hi I’m 66 , I was diagnosed with prostate cancer 3 years ago . So far I have had surgery , hormone therapy and radiation twice . I am alone . No biggie . Recently I have began to isolate myself from friends and family . I’m thinking it’s the thing to do to save them from me . I’m embarrassed to say I’m becoming quite a pain to my team and those close to me . This week I will be stopping any more treatment . I think I’ll be better off without all the visits to clinicians . I’m taking charge . Maybe good maybe not . Thanks for letting me say this , Stewart 

Hi Stewart,

Welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry to hear that you have reached the decision to stop treatment, but I can fully understand why you have reached this decision.

Just a word of advice before you stop everything. Make sure that you leave a pathway free for pain management, should you need it later on. 

Please try not to distance yourself from family and friends. As someone who has had 2 bouts of cancer in the past 10 years, I know.how important it is for family and friends to be able to keep in touch with you for as long as they can.

Don't deprive them of the times to make special moments with you, as they will treasure these moments long after you've gone.

It is not a good idea to make yourself a pain to your care team. Remember that you will need them to keep you comfortable to the end. Sometimes, you will find that you are  considered a pain, if you go against the medical advice given, so try to justify your decision rationally to your care team.

Good luck with stopping treatment. I hope that you feel better with fewer clinical visits and no further treatment.

Please keep in touch and let us know.

Kind Regards,  

Jolamine