Hi there ...

It's really raw at the moment ... and it takes a time to grieve... there's no easy way round it .. lots of us have been where you are now ... give your heart time to heal ... it's the price we pay for being blessed with wonderful mum's ....

I'm sure your mum would be so sad to see you hurting so ... l tried to do things in life that would have made my mum proud ... l still feel her close 29 years later ... she was my best friend too ... 

Let yourself feel sad, or angry ... or wanting a good cry ... esp this time of year ... you just carry her in your heart now ... you keep her safely there ...  sending you a vertual hug ...  Chrissie xx

Thank you Chrissie , I’m still in shock , your right it’s the price we pay for being so close , I’m luck to have had her for so long , sending a cyber hug right back to you xxx

Hi Sad,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and offer my sincere condolences.

Grief hits people in different ways and it takes some people longer to come to terms with it than others. Chrissie has given you good advice. It is still early days and things are pretty raw. I am sure that your mum would be the last person to want to see you crying your eyes out sitting on the sofa, or even saying that you don't want to carry on without her.

When I lost my mum to cancer, I felt totally bereft. I spoke to someone one day, who told me how lucky I was to have known the love we had between us. He advised that I should try to dwell on this, rather than how sad I was to have lost her. He also advised me to try and do things in life which would have made my mum proud.  These two things made all the difference to how I felt. It put a positive slant on to my outlook in life. I realized that I had a loving husband and two healthy and loving children.

I had a young family at the time and I did my best to instill values in them that my mother instilled in me. My children are grown up now, have done well in life and I'm sure that my mum would have the same pride in them as I have, if she is up there looking own on us. The old saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is so true. There are so many people who have never experienced this special love, whereas we are so lucky to have had it in abundance. We really are exceptionally lucky.

I am glad to hear that you have good family support. If you feel that this is not enough for you at the moment, would you consider seeing a counsellor? There are a nuber of charities which offer this service free of charge. Sometimes it is easier to speak to a stranger rather than a member of the family. They also know about the different stages of grief and can help you to come to terms with your loss.

I am thinking of you as you travel this lonely road and, I am always here for you.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you jolamie , I just signed back in and saw your very kind response, I’ve been clearing out mum’s house , which has been extra hard , it was my birthday on the 11th my first without her , no card or singing happy birthday, I have been thinking about counselling, I’ve heard no one will see me for at least six months ? Is that right ? Hope your well 

mike 

Hi Mike,

Clearing out your mum's house must be difficult - you find so many memories in the smallest items.

I am no expert on counselling. As far as I know, there is no time limit before a counsellor will see you, but it can take about 6 months to get an appointment with most of them, as there is quite a demand for their services. If you want to see someone, make an appointment as soon as possible.  Do you have a friend or family member that you can talk to in the meanwhile? It can be a great help to talk things through.

I am sorry that your birthday was such a disappointment on 11th. I wish you a belated Happy Birthday. Anniversaries of all sorts are particularly difficult in the first year after a death. You have had Christmas, New Year and now your Birthday.You are unfortunate that they have all come along so soon after your loss.

All I can say is that it does get easier with time. This sounds like a cliche, I know, but it is true.

Kind regards,

Jolamine