Hello, thankyou for letting me join.  I am hoping I will get some morale support as I am so scared.  I am not young I am 74 but a young 74.  Does everybody think that?  Probably.  I am seeing a specialist next Friday with a view to radiation.  Yikes, I am scared about that too.  In fact my whole life has changed.  I no longer want to follow my hobby of sewing.  I hate seeing my husband worry about me.  He is suffering as much as me in a different way.  To be honest somedays I wish I wasn't here and everyone could carry on living their lives rather than worry about me.  My daughter is a tower of strength but I am sick of all conversations being medical related.  Eating is a big problem.  I am on steroids which have helped my mood.  I am tired and lie down every time I do a little housework.  I don't want to moan on, I want someone to tell me this was a bad dream and I will wake tomorrow and everything will be normal. My digestive system from stomach to bowels is way out of sinque.  I would be grateful for any helpful ideas.  I do have a lovely mcmillan nurse who visits me, but even the name of the nurses wants to make me run for the hills.  I hap a laparoscopy last week and I don't suppose the healing process of that has finalised yet.