Is she lying about cancer?

Hi everyone. I need some advice. My brothers partner has told him she has breast cancer but I strongly have my doubts. I appreciate this is something that no sane person would lie about but as you can appreciate my doubts are there for a reason.

 

it started with constant guilt tripping when he was away from her saying she was ill and he needs to go to hers due to this. She said she had IV chemo every week but would drive herself to and from, no bruise marks for the cannula. She handed in her notice at work as soon as the managers applied pressure to retrieve her doctors note and says she has not evidence to supply as the doctors didn’t give any. She drinks and smokes excessively. She’s dyed her hair, no signs of it falling out. She refuses to let him discuss it with any family member of hers. She said they had to put a hold on the chemo due to a form of bone disease she has. It’s now resumed and said they can’t get a vein through her arms so they do the IV chemotherapy through her foot. She’s now said that the chemo has been reduced to 1 session per month as she’s getting better. She refuses to let him go with her and said she has specifically booked in for the day of the week he works away so it doesn’t burden him. When he insists on going, she shuts him down and says no however wants his attention in all forms elsewhere. 

 

I may may be looking into this significantly but my gut is telling me it’s a lie to get his undivided attention.

 

what are people’s thoughts on this? I’m sorry to have posted such a topic as I genuinely would hate to believe somebody could lie about this but my brother puts a lot of pressure on himself and guilt constantly and I’m worried about his mental health. 

  • Well you’re right there - no sane person would lie about it, but there are some funny people out there. So I think the first thing to say is people’s treatment experiences do vary. That said I have BC and what I’m going through is this:

    My chemo will be every 3 weeks, which seems standard, though it can vary.

    you would have chemo through a needle in the arm or a port or line which is permanently fixed and visible in your arm or upper chest. I’ve had a cannula in my arm just today and you’d know about it. There’s a bruise.

    ive been advised not to drive home from chemo as you can get side effects quickly

    ive been told to expect my hair to fall out unless I cold cap.

    I’ve never heard of chemo being given through a foot. How?! If your veins get messed up they’d fit a port as above.

    maybe my doctors are super efficient but I’ve had a letter after each appointment summarising my diagnosis and treatment.

    I started this post thinking ah well you should always avoid judging a situation online as we don’t know all the facts but what can I say? Draw your own conclusions.

     

     

     

  • Oh and you can’t book in for specific days, its not like going to the hairdressers - it’s a set schedule so mine is every 3 weeks on a Tuesday. The thing about dropping to once a month. Never heard of that. Chemo is a set course, they decide up front on so many sessions (6 for me), then they reevaluate. 

    As for excessive smoking and drinking, well some people may but it’s definitely discouraged. Chemo can affect your lungs and from what I heard a lot of food tastes vile during treatment including tea coffee and alcohol. I start mine in a week so will see.

    I think you’ve just won the award for the most bizarre post - sorry, I know it’s not your fault and it must be a very stressful time. 

    Obviously there are exceptions to every rule and maybe I’ve been too overt in my opinion but there do seem like a lot of small things which all add up. Perhaps it’s a cry for help? 

    X

     

  • Totally agree with what Mrs. Fingers has already said. It is so very sad when people have to invent a cancer diagnosis to gain attention and quite frankly most disrespectful to those who are genuinely living with cancer or been affected by it.

  • Best wishes to you Mrs. Fingers on your breast cancer journey. Lynne.x

  • Thanks lynne, it is a very sad thing that someone feels the need to do this as you say. That said, the foot comment did almost make me spit out a mouthful of tea. So wrong it’s almost funny. Dark humour these times. 

    I really wish my cancer story of the last few months was a work of fiction, but no apparently it’s real. Needles and all - 7 of the damn things in the last week and I haven’t actually started chemo yet, sigh!

    Ive been up all night after a general anaesthetic yesterday to fit a port for chemo. It was the same after my mastectomy. Strange side effect?!

    I hope bumbles SIL can get the help she needs. It would appear to be a cry for attention as stated. 

  • Hi,

     

    i just wanted to to add my bit into all this!! As the others have said everyone’s treatment is very different..... however.... when I had my chemo at one point my veins in my arms were collapsing (side effect of some chemo) so they couldn’t get the needle in, I asked if they could use a vein in another part of my body and the nurses said no because of the thickness of the needles the veins in other parts are wider therefore the needle may fall out so this isn’t an option it had to be a port or a PICC line (perminant line in my arm). 

    As for treatment being changed, again as the others said you go for your bloods checked and then they make a decision based on your blood results as to when they will do treatment. So my bloods were a Tuesday and if my counts were good my treatment was a Thursday, some people had bloods and treatment the same day. 

     

    I can can only give info on what happened to me, I appreciate there are so many different treatments and experiences out there. 

     

    I feel so so sorry for you and your family as whatever her diagnosis is (truth or not) she seems to be blocking you all out. I cannot say if it’s cancer or not but it does seem like she needs some kind of help. 

     

    Sounds like a tough time for you all 

     

    xxx

  • The type of chemotherapy would determine the schedule for it but it is usually done on set days for a certain length of time, I did get to give an indication of days which are best for me. The cannula into the foot, does actually happen, it’s usually done in your extremities tonensure no parts are missed, so hand or foot are ideal and if you google you’ll see this is the second point of access when other veins have collapsed. 

  • I stand corrected if this is the case. I did google it before commenting though and couldn’t find anything about it, but I guess stranger things have happened! 

  • There are a few posts on the breast cancer care forum. Doesn’t really prove anything for you but it does happen :)