Hi Jay, well you’ve come to the right place  - this is a great place to vent your feelings and get some support. 

It sounds like you’re going through a really challenging time. Big hugs to you xx

Hi Jay.

I feel like bursting into tears with you. You obviously have broad shoulders to carry such a lot of burdens. 

One step at a time. Your head must be buzzing with everything you have to do. The most important thing here is YOU. Your health needs to take the priority not the divorce. He's away and out of your life so not sure what the rush is. I would put that to the side. Explain to lawyers you can't cope at the moment and focus on your treatment. 

Huge virtual  hugs coming your way. Sit down and feel that hug around you.

  Wee Maw xxxx

Thank you so much for the replies Mrsfingers and WeeMaw. Your kind words were very much appreciated. Unfortunately soon to be ex-husband and I are still sharing a house, not an option to move out during treatment. During nurse check up at RT session yesterday I'm now facing an urgent MRI scan and an emergency Oncologist meeting today as they suspect nerve damage is causing what they initially suspected was a blood clot in my leg. Not the news I wanted to hear, as the potential causes of said nerve damage aren't likely to be anything I want to hear....just feeling like I'm sinking rapidly. 

Hi Jay,

I hope that your talk with the oncologist today was helpful. Have you been given an appointment for your MRI yet?

You are going through a particularly bad patch at the moment and must feel as if the whole world is against you. There will be brighter days ahead.  I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer followed by Tamoxifen and Letrozole. Both caused serious side-effects, but it is 8 years since I was first diagnosed, so I feel blessed to still be here.

Have you discussed your hot flushes with your consultant or breast care nurse? I was given a mild anti-depressant to combat these and it has reduced them significantly. By the sound of all you are going through at present, this might be helpful in more ways than one!

I hope that your personal life settles down soon and that the two of you can start a new life independent of one another.

Do please keep in touch and let us know how your MRI goes. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

Meeting with Oncologist not terribly helpful. Not the most understanding of people, has this attitude of "you'll be told of what I think you need to know". So it's a constant battle to get my own information, doesn't do a great deal for the already depleted confidence levels. 

I was told I had no right to stop taking the Tamoxifen, even though the fluid retention had got to a point where I was 10 lbs heavier and my clothes and shoes didn't fit! I'd also checked with my breast care nurse who'd given me the ok. The hot flushes were unbearable, soaked from head to toe several times a day resulting in 3 or 4 changes of clothes whilst trying to maintain some dignity at work is not possible! 

The emergency MRI scan will take up to 2 weeks. Stress levels already rising...And (against their better judgement) I've had blood tests to check for menopausal state as I'm to be started on Zoladex and Anastrazole should the scan come back clear. 

Blood tests from earlier in the week have revealed a low mean cell volume so that needs to be monitored as well. 

I hate feeling so useless and uninformed. And I am struggling with being that patient who's always asking questions and has a reputation for being difficult. I'm not! I just need to know where I am and what I'm dealing with. 

Work is the only constant in my life and my employers have been exceptionally understanding, for which I will be eternally grateful. Highly unusual from what I can gather from other patients, especially as I was diagnosed only 2 weeks after starting with the company. 

You sound so positive in your post, and I am full of admiration for you and all those who are ploughing through their own personal battles seemingly so much better than I seem to be managing. 

Sending love to everyone who is dealing with any diagnosis, or being support for someone else. 

Jay x

Hi Jay,

I am so sorry to hear of your meeting with the oncologist. This is someone that you really have to have faith in. Are there other oncologists in the hospital that you could see instead? I had a bad experience with my first oncologist who told me exactly what she was going to treat me with, without leaving any room for discussion. When I started asking questions and telling her why I needed to know, she tried to section me. Fortunately, my hubby was with me and, between the two of us we managed to persuade her that she had completely misread the situation.

This just goes to show you that none of us are that great at the beginning and a set-to like this didn’t help my situation at all. I refused to go back to see her again and got a referral to another hospital, where the difference was chalk and cheese. My new surgeon and his breast care nurses were so professional and caring and, it made all the difference to me.

Your oncologist’s attitude is a total anathema to what is recommended nowadays. Most of the care teams are completely open about everything. Have you discussed the hot flushes with anybody? I was given a mild dose of Venlafaxine, which didn’t stop these altogether, but they did make quite a difference. It must be quite embarrassing having to change so often throughout the day. I was fortunate in that most of my problem was at night.

Just continue to be that awkward patient who wants to know everything. Some people don’t want to know anything and are happy to do everything that their care team tell them to do. Others, like you and I, want to know exactly what our diagnosis is, what treatment is recommended and why, what the side-effects are, what the alternatives are, if any. If you get a reputation for being difficult, don’t worry about it. We are all fully entitled to know exactly what is going on.

I am delighted to hear that your work has been so understanding, especially when you started with them so recently. This doesn’t often happen.

You say that I sound positive in my post. This was not always the case. Most of us have problems in the early days of diagnosis. It is not until you start your treatment that you begin to feel a little less tearful and more in charge of your emotions. I certainly did not cope well at first, but am in a much better place now. I’m sure that you will be soon too.

I hope that you get your mammogram soon. When are you due to get the results of your blood tests?

Don’t forget to let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx