Hi Kr,

I am so sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis.

I lost my mum 21 years ago to secondary breast cancer. At that stage it had spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bones and was inoperable. At that stage, inoperable meant totally untreatable, whereas now chemo is often used to buy some additional time. I still miss her every day. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself 8 years ago and with a second bout 7 years ago.

At the time my mum was diagnosed , my heart was breaking too, but that was no help to her. I tried to stay as positive as I could with her. We discussed all the things she still wanted to do and people she wanted to see, whilst she was well enough to still manage this. We discussed the best form of care for her and we spent as much time as we could with her, trying to reduce her fear of the unknown. I felt totally bereft and incompetent throughout this time, as I felt that there was so little I could do to help her.

Now that I have had first hand experience of cancer myself, I can only emphasise how helpful it is to have my own family's support. We can all talk about anything and have discussed our innermost feelings.

Fortunately, surgery, treatment and after care have all improved immensely in recent years and there is no comparison between what my mum experienced and the care and attention I have received.

Sadly the points you raise in your last sentence are questions that everyone in this situation would like an answer to, but there just isn't one. The person in the best position to reply to this is her consultant, who will have all her medical details to hand, but even then, it is just a 'guesstimate'. We often hear of people who are given a short prognosis, but who die before they reach the time scale the doctor has given. We also hear the opposite, where people are given a poor prognosis, but who can last for years longer than expected.

Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for both of you.

I hope that the biopsy can locate the primary source for your mum. You have a hard road ahead of you.

I am thinking of and praying for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much for response I so sorry to of your own loss n your diagnosis they have now identified the tissue as squamous cell carcinoma which I still have no idea what is the primary cancer 

Hi Kr,

Why not contact the nurses on this site and see if they can enlighten you about squamous cell carcinoma?  - there is a freephone number at the bottom of this page. Where did your mum's care team leave this? Did they tell you where the squamous cell carcinoma is or did they give her another appointment? Did you accompany her to hospital? It is always a good idea for someone to attend her appointments with her.

It is also wise to draw up a list of questions before each consultation. Take 2 copies with you. Give one to your mum and one for whoever goes with her. Whilst your mum is asking the questions, the other person can write down the answers. This should mean that nothing gets muddled up. We all tend to forget about 70% of what is said during the appointment before we leave the hospital gates.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx