Hi there ..

Oh my , your carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders ... you can call and chat to McMillan Mon to Fri .  They can listen, and help you with practical help for your dad ... you can't do everything .. war not super human, just human... and things can get too much .. your trying to be everything to everyone ... you need to share the load .. have you got other support around you ... 

You need to take some time just for you.. because if you brake it comes tumbling down around you, and no one copes ... so breath ... take a step back .. know what you can do and what you can't. . And you know what most of us want at the end , is nothing huge, just a hand to hold sometimes and a loving word .. I know if my son was in your possision I'd want him to look after him and the kids first ..

Please reach out... you've made a first step here .. now ask mcmillan ... just being able to talk helps .. and I'm here most days if you want to offload or just chat ... sending you a big hug .. Chrissie

Thanks for your reply, I am taking one day at a time and being kinder to myself allowing me to have some space.

The end is getting nearer and its heart breaking but Im focusing on the good times we have had and sharing stories of happier times with him, this seems to help us both.

Once again thank you for your reply, and when I need it I will contact McMillan for support as I generally deal with everything inside and I know I need to stop doing that.

Thanks

Sarah

Hi Sarah...

You sound a lot more sorted in your self .. I'm so glad ... though I know it's still a rough road ahead .. but your on the right path now ... any time you want a chat I'm here most days .. living in the day and not looking to far ahead was the best advice I got on my journey  ...

Chrissie x

Hi Frainie,

A very warm welcome to cancer chat, although I am extremely sorry for the reason that brought you here.

What type of cancer does your dad have? I have lost both of my parents and several relatives and friends to cancer. I have also had 2 bouts myself within the past 8 years, so I am no stranger to this disease..

Cancer doesn't just affect the patient but all of his family too. I am also a very strong person, but I found it incredibly difficult to cope at the end stage. It is heartbreaking watching your loved one deteriorate before your eyes, yet knowing that there is nothing that you can do to stop it in cancer's path. 

Chrissie has given you some excellent advice. Just be there for your dad to talk to. Ensure that he has everything he needs, that he is comfortable, that his pain is well controlled, that he has seen as many of his relatives and friends as he may want to.

It is never easy to juggle your family needs, your dad's needs and work.Try your best to be as positive as possible both in your dealings with your dad and others. Make the most of each minute you will have with him. Create as many memories as you can, if he is still well enough to do this.

We are never really ready to lose a loved one, but, as they get weaker and tireder, it can become easier to accept. By the time I lost my Mum, it was very evident that she would never recover, she was in pain and suffering and I had no desire to see her decline further. I saw her death as a release. I wouldn't have let an animal suffer like this and, I certainly didn't want to see my mum do so.

It is 21 years since she died and I still miss her every day, as you will your dad when the time comes. Do you have a good relationship with your step-mum? Do you have any other support from family or friends? Chrssie has quite rightly  mentioned that no one person can do everything. You need to make some time for yourself. You're no use to anyone if you become ill.

Please keep in touch with us. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Fraine,

I am so sorry to hear about how suddenly you lost your mum. This must have been a really trying time for you too and I am glad to hear that you have such a good relationship with your step-mum. It is also helpful that you have such great support from your husband, but this is placing all the onus on your immediate family. Do you have any other relatives who could help share the burden?

You are doing the right thing with your dad in living for the day and sharing memories. How is your son coping with all this? He is old enough to be aware of all that is happening and he must find this difficult too. Your dad is bound to be scared but I hope that by talking to him you can help him over his final hurdle into everlasting peace.

I remember just how difficult it was for me to deal with my mum's final days and feel for you all having to go through this with your dad.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Sorry for the late reply. It’s been a rough week Dads weaker by the day and having morphine. He has another infection and refused hospital treatment which I agree with, I’m spending time with him as we don’t have a lot of time left now. 

Hi Frainie,

I am sorry to hear that you dad has another infection and that he is growing weaker by the day. I don't blame him for refusing any more treatment and, am glad that he has your agreement with this. You will find that he is sleeping for longer if he is having morphine.

Just continue to do what you're doing. Stay with him as much as you can. Talk to him and support him. This is a scary time for both of you. Let him know how much you love him. Don't leave anything unsaid and make the most of every hour you have with him.

Thinking of you both and praying for a peaceful end.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi there hunny ...

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you ... I'm sure he's very proud of you ... I am too .. as hard as this is, it would have been far harder for your dad without you making these last days more bearable ...

You will look back one day and know the difference you made .... Always here chrissie xx