Hi there,

It's entirely natural to be scared.  It's terrifying.  Life is plodding on, you're going about your day and then....Blam.  Right in this moment, I doubt there is anything that anyone could say that would make you feel better.  It's a shock and your head will be spinning, reeling and thinking the absolute worst.  I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation; it's a spiteful and pointless disease.

Do you have someone you can chat to close by?  Having an outlet to talk about your worst fears will probably be helpful.  Someone with a bit of distance but who you feel comfortable enough to speak utterly freely to?  Friends and family are wonderful, of course, but you might find yourself unwittingly holding back to protect them or they might themselves be trying to present a brave face to you while battling with their own feelings.  It's hard on everyone.  If you have access to some counselling, I'd recommend that you give it a go.  Failing (or in addition to) that, you've found a source of support here.  No worry is too big or small.

When I was first diagnosed, I swung wildly between total panic and a sort of numb detachment from everything.  It's a strange place to be.  You'll be kept busy over the coming weeks with arranging treatment, appointments and lots of life-admin paperwork/phonecalls.  It's exhausting and means that you get immediately engulfed in what felt to me like a small little world with nothing but cancer in it.  Try, if you can, to find a bit of time everyday to step outside of it all, even just for a few moments.  Anything will do...a trashy magazine, silly videos on YouTube -  the internet was created for kitten videos, right?  My most effective distraction is video games.  I appreciate this all might sound a bit glib, but we're all different.

I'm doing well. In remission since February and am on maintenance Avastin.  Some joint pain issues and a hernia (hysterectomy related) being looked into, but I'll not complain about those.  My hair is growing back and I gave myself a first trim round my ears this week.  This conversation is about you though, I just mention that so you know where I am at currently.

The world is scary right now, but I hope you find yourself as surprised as I was by the kindness you'll find all around you 

Speak soon, I hope x

Hello Gemmy,

Everything you have said here, has helped. Thank you so much. You are spot on with regards to the feelings too, all of them.

I am so, so happy to hear that you are doing well! I’m loving reading about you and where you currently are and what it’s like as it gives me hope. 

I am praying my scans come back saying that it’s just where they think it is and that I can go forward.

I luckily have a therapist who I saw immediately after diagnosis and I am trying my very best to reach out and not have the fear of people’s reactions etched in my mind.

Thank you for talking to a stranger, I hope I can get support here as just your message has helped me so much today.

Sending you so much love and strength.

J.x 

Hi J,

I'm pleased to have been of help and am so relieved that you have some professional help to hand.  A diagnosis can undermine everything with the fear and uncertainty it brings; the world is suddenly built on quicksand.  

Every best wish for your scans.  If you want to chat about them here, go for it.  If you'd rather keep it to yourself, that's fine too.

Looking back, I found that telling people around me was like a small scale social experiment!  While most behaved as I had expected, there were some outliers.  My grandmother (in her 80s) was a challenge.  I'd kept it from her for as long as I could (months) as I was so worried about how she would take it, particularly as she had lost a young child to leukemia.  She blurted out, offhand, "Oh my friend so and so had cancer and it is all she ever talks about".  I changed the subject and put her inappropriate reaction down to shock.  I was right.  Others have been far stronger, both in themselves and for me, than I ever could have imagined.  It's tough, but be brave.

x

Hello Gemmy,

Thank you again for your reply, I so appreciate it and yes-the telling people thing-wow-that’s been interesting!

Well, I have my scan today and results Friday. It’s like waking up and being in a nightmare rather than the other way around. Sometimes I surprise myself by doing normal things but mostly I’m trying to distract myself by cleaning frantically and going for walks!

Ive sent you a friend request here, you absolutely don’t have to accept that and might actually not want to be reminded of the traumatic early stages that you were once in but if you didn’t mind, I’d love to be able to message you there following the next few days if that’s okay? 

Thank you again.

J

Gemmy Hi to you I am also new here & new to my own recent diganosis I am sorry to read your recent news,my sister had the same type of shock diagnosis,as in admitted with pain,no previous etc so you must be feeling over whelmed to say the least,with your head going round and round in circles With her situation,which was many years ago now,we had to try to get her through it as best we could,she was 30 almost when she was diganosed,good job and looking forward to family and so on,things did not turn out quite as expected after her initail diagnosis,and her plans were put on hold That said,in time,life was kinder to her,and she went on to live her best life I do not want to write much here as you have more than enough to cope with,so I am just leaving this message of support,and to also let you know,that even though I am here with different reasons,as in cancer of the brain,then if I can help you in any way,I will try my best I am new here but I would think there are so many lovely people who can help you,and offer up advice,all for now may be going right over your head,due to shock & so much more Allow your self time to absorb all that has transpired,and for now,go with the flow until you have more clarity,and the shock eases a little I am new here,as said,and I am still finding my way around etc,but if I can be of any help at all,then let me know,as I would think everyone also would say there seems to be many lovely people here,who have gone through,are going through what you are,and I hope with all my heart,that you find the help that you need as well as support,and so on Try not to worry,as hard as it is,and easier said than done Wishing you all the love in the world 

Hi Toni,

 I'm sorry to hear about your husband.  No one deserves this.

All I can say is that figure sounds about the right sort of ball park.  I was lucky enough to have health insurance via my insurer that had brilliant cancer cover, so I didn't have to pay.  For the type of cancer I have the NHS will do 18 rounds of Avastin as a maximum.  I had quite a few more than that in the end, but my cancer has recurred now so I'm back on chemo. I did get to see the bills and the private charge was about £6,000 I think for each treatment but that will have covered a day in the private hospital, a consultant appointment and the drugs themselves.  

Wishing you all the very best.  There is support here for you both x

Hi Fae,

Things have moved on a bit since my diagnosis in Oct 18, but I am still here!  I do get angry about it sometimes though.  I had some blood clots ten months before and again three months before my cancer diagnosis.  If only they had looked into it more thoroughly then, my prognosis might be far better.  But, I guess, thats life.   

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful message.  I'm sorry to hear that your sister had a difficult time.  And you too.  Are you getting the care and support that you need?