Hi there ..

So sorry you lost your mum .. it's one of the hardest things to ever go through ..

All I can tell you is what I've learned over the years ... everyone grieves differently .. adults grieve mainly 24/7 .. children can cry and feel their grief with heartfelt pain .. then after can go and play ... teens usually need to get away from grief occasionally , like their brain tells them they need a brake ... and it's their brains way of coping ... some men try to hold it in because that's how they were brought up to be strong ... some block it out because then they don't have to deal with the unbearable pain ..

Some can talk about the loved one they loose, others will cry at the mention of their name ..

Once you realise we don't don't have to grieve the same .. we all feel it but deal with it differently ..  some one i know ...lost his wife to breast cancer .. their daughter was 17 .. he turned to drink and pictures of her were his way of coping ... her way was she needed to get out and party .. coz she could block it out that way ... both starting arguments. . He thought his daughter didnt care .. she felt like she was loosing her dad too .. 

It was only chatting and listening to both sides.. explaining how the other one was hurting too ... could they slowly come together .. so many families fall out .. so many couples split after loosing a child .. when they need to take a step back and really LISTEN to each other .. without interrupting ... 

I don't know if this will help .. but you've lost your mum, don't loose your relationship with your dad ... walk the same road, holding each others hand .. and you'll be so glad you did ... sending you a big hug Chrissie x

Hi dlf,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.

Two months is not long for someone to come to terms with grief, so don't upset yourself further by comparing yourself to others. She was your mum and in your life from day one - nobody else who is grieving has lost their mum this time, so, in some ways it's easier for them.

Your dad will be grieving too and it sounds as if he hasn't fully come to terms with his loss either. Would either of you find it helpful to talk to a counsellor? This can be a great help for some, but it is not for everyone.

You are talking about starting a very intense masters course at university in October. I gather that this is away from home which might be helpful for you and your dad. I am sure that your mum will be looking over you with pride and willing you to make a go of it.. This is all part of coming to terms with things. I lost my mum when I was 49 and had 2 children. I got the opportunity to go to university and get a degree at 50 and I felt that my mum was with me all the way. That was 21 years ago and since then there have been many other family achievements which I know she would have approved of and been so proud to see fulfilled.

Try to get your life back on track. Make your masters your first goal. You are young and will have many more opportunities to make your mum proud. I'm sure that your dad will feel honoured to have a daughter like you and that your relationship will get back on firmer footing with the passage of time.

I hope that others of your age will come along and tell you their stories with time.

Please let us know what you decide to do and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I’m 21 and lost my mum 8 months ago very unexpectedly ! I feel exactly the same , time and the days carry on for people but not us :( I feel stuck on the same day it happened and can’t move forward! We are still babies that need their mum with them.  The best advice is to just cry when you need to don’t hold it in ever with regard to you starting your uni course make your tutor aware what you are going through because you have days were you can’t even get out of bed or can’t stop crying all day and they can be there for you as much as they possibly can. It’s so horrible being in this situation and people will tell you it’ll get better but its not what you want to hear people keep telling me it’ll get better but I can’t see how. I’m so sorry xxx

Hi , I lost my wife to breast Cancer very unexpectedly  I have a daughter and two sons my relationship with my daughter at the time was very strained as I thought that she blamed me for the death her mum which was completely wrong we would argue constantly some days hardly speaking the gap between my wife dying and the funeral was just awful that was three months ago we are now on level ground and spend a great deal of time together. we have good days and really ****** days it's not going to be easy  but we will get their and so will you it's one day at a time we all deal with situations in our own way just try to stay calm when things get stressful some times the best way to say something is to say nothing at all , you will get through this you will I'm really sorry about your mum but stay strong your dad needs you.

God bless and keep you safe .