Hi Kittyn,

A warm welcome to our forum. I am glad to see that you have gathered information and comfort from it in the past and am sure that you will again as your dad travels his cancer journey.

I cannot offer any platitudes. I have lost both parents as well as several relatives and close friends to cancer and I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 8 years. I'm sure that you ask 'why me?' several times - I know that I did, but sadly there is no answer.

Your dad will probably find his chemo progressively more difficult to cope with. He may also feel extremely tired at times, may not feel like eatng and may be nauseous. Do you live nearby him? Whilst it is good to hear that he is managing to live on his own, you may find that you'll need to help him with the preparation of meals, general household duties.and even some aspects of personal care as time passes.

Caring for anyone with cancer can be very draining both emotionally and physically, yet carers seem to find the wherewithall to cope with it. It's as if we have a little hidden reserve stash of energy that we can call on when it's really needed.

Try not to think of the outcomes you've experienced with your mum and your friend. Don't think of the future. Live each day in the moment. He will have good days and bad. Support him when his days are bad and try to enjoy the good days, because these gradually tend to decrease in number.

I appreciate that your dad's diagnosis is not good news, but try your best to put a positive slant on things for as long as you can. You will find that this makes it easier for both of you to cope with it. You will also find it better if you can both talk about this openly with other family members and friends, but most importantly between yourselves. Have you discussed how your dad feels about his diagnosis and prognosis? This can often be a frightening time for people, even if he appears to be carrying on as normal.

By the sound of things you are accompanying him to his appointments. This can be very helpful. The other thing that is useful is to draw up a list of any questions you have for the consultant between visits and take this to his appointments. This way you don't forget to ask important questions.

I'm sure that you can already appreciate that cancer doesn't follow any rules. It affects different people in different ways. If you have been reading some of the posts on here already you will know that even the doctors cannot always predict a patient's prognosis accurately - in fact they can be out by several years in some instances. At best their predictions are just a guesstimate.

With my relatives, I found that they began to deteriorate after the 2nd or 3rd chemo treatment. Some picked up after treatment stopped, but others never made it through the treatment, so very different outcomes. I guess that a lot depends on the type of cancer, the stage it is at and the general health of the patient.

Sorry that I cannot be more helpful. Did you nurse your mum at home to the end?  If you see a marked decline in your dad's health, there are various ways to approach his care. He can be nursed at home,  in hospital, a hospice or at home with additional care facilities. We are currently caring for my mother-in-law at home for a non-cancerous end of life situation. She has dementia and we initially thought that she would be best off in a residential care home as she tended to wander out at night.

Her social worker suggested trying to care for her at home first and I am so glad that she did. She has been supplied with a hospital bed at home, has carers coming in 4 times a day, a nurse a couple of times a week and is still in the bosom of her family.

I hope that I have not been too frank for you here. Like you, I tend to be realistic but proactive.

I wish you all the very best as you set off on this journey once more.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both managing. Remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx