Hello; my name is Loz. I've come here in the hope that talking to someone about what I'm going through will help, because right now I'm falling apart :cry: I'm sorry if I'm not meant to post this here, but as it's my first post on the forum I didn't really know where else to put it, so if it's in the wrong place I apologise.
This is a long story, but I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.
Basically my Dad has been ill for around two years now. It started with pain in his kidneys and blood in his urine, and this was constantly being diagnosed as a kidney infection by his doctor. Dad would take antibiotics, things would clear up for a few weeks and then it would come back again. The doctor went from one diagnosis to another (infection, kidney stones, etc.) and would keep sending my dad for ultrasounds, CT scans and biopsies, all of which either found nothing or were inconclusive. But we were told at one point it was almost certainly not cancer. Fast forward to a year later, when Dad was still getting pain and blood in hs urine and it was getting progressively worse, and the doctor finally sent him for a PET scan. This showed a shadow on his kidney, which took another two months to be diagnosed as a tumour. The doctor then said the best course of action would be to remove the kidney and any cancerous lymph nodes surroundng it.
So Dad had his kidney removed in April this year (2018), and although he was in intensive care for a few days after due to there being more blood loss than was expected during the op, everything seemed to be going well. The consultant said they'd removed the kidney containing the tumour as well as a few cancerous lymph nodes; however he did say they couldn't remove all of them as it was more dangerous to do that than to leave them in, and as a result there was a chance the cancer could still spread. But dad was slowly recovering and after a week he was discharged from hospital.
The following morning, he had a stroke and was instantly readmitted to hospital. He'd lost the use of his left arm and leg, but otherwise was fine; his speech and mental ability weren't affected at all. So, counting my lucky stars, I headed home and trusted he would be okay in hospital.
Later that same night, he had a cardiac arrest. It took them fifteen minutes to resuscitate him and he was taken immediately to intensive care, put on a ventilator and kept sedated. The doctors told us that after the op, a blood clot had formed in his leg and travelled up to his brain and lungs, which was what had caused the stroke and cardiac arrest. He was in intensive care for a week, then moved on to a stroke ward for another two weeks, and then spent a month or so in a stroke rehabilitation hospital. But eventually he was allowed to come home, and he's been home now for a month or so.
In that time, we've been told that his cancer has spread, and last week we were given the news that he has between 3-6 months left to live :cry::cry::cry: He's taken the news quite calmly, and is of the opinion that if it's going to happen, it's going to happen and there's nothing we can do except make these last few months happy ones. But I'm devastated and terrified of what will happen when the time comes. :( It's just me and him at home; my parents divorced ten years ago and I have no contact with my mother, and my only brother lives about two hours away and can't get home very often. Dad has six brothers and sisters, most of whom have offered to help when and where they can, but I still feel so alone in this because no one understands what he's like when it's just the two of us. He isn't very mobile due to his stroke; he's lost so much weight over the last few months that he's as weak as a kitten, and he's constantly complaining of his pain. The doctor has given him morphine, tramadol and paracetamol, which is helping a lot with the pain, but it's leaving him very confused and out of it; he constantly talks to himself and is forgetting things like what day it is or the fact that he's divorced from my mum; it also makes him say things I know he doesn't mean, but it's so hard to hear. I'm just so worried about leaving him alone when I go to work or I have to get the food shopping; he takes a lot of medication and I don't know how much longer I can trust that he knows what he's doing with it.
I'm also terrified of what will happen when he passes away; I know the house is going to be shared between me and my brother so I don't have to worry about that, but it's the paperwork and official stuff that scares me. I have absolutely no idea in the slightest what any of it means or what I have to do when; I just feel like I can't face any of it but I'm the one people will be expecting to have everything in control as I was the one living with him.
Just feel so utterly helpless and upset for Dad too; it's so cruel that in the past year, he's had a kidney removal, stroke and cardiac arrest and come through them all, only for his cancer to rob him of his life anyway; it's not fair :(
Any help or support anyone can give me is very much appreciated and thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Loz.
