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Beamy8285
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Hello! My mum who is 80 spent most of last winter poorly and finally agreed for me to taker her to the drs in March.  Long story short, she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I took sick leave from my full time job, im 60. Spent April in hospital with chest infection and sepsis, not well enough to proceed with treatment. Had first chemo on 6th june then monthly until now. Because mum was so poorly with the sepsis i was allowed to stay in hospital with her, so it was a natural thing to move in with her when she returned home. Thats when i discovered that there was something else going on ... dementia????  Im not one to talk or reach out for help, but ive come to realise that i need to be in touch with others in a similar situation. Wasnt sure where this post belonged so if it isnt right to post it here please let me know. Lookin forward to hearing from others

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    Hi there beamy ...

    Has your mum been diagnosed with dementia ... or do you think she may have .. my sister is in the later stage with it... and if you go on u tube, and put in dementia there's videos on how to communicate better , and how to understand it ... we don't tell my sister she's wrong when she says she's going to see mum and dad.. we tell her mum's a bingo, or her club.. and dad's up the allotment.  It's like we go into her world now .. coz if you keep correcting them, they get even more confused .. it's really hard going sometimes but those u tube videos really help ..

    I can't imagine how she must be having chemo too ... that must be really scary for her ... and a stage 4 is quite advanced ... and that on top of dementia, must be heartbraking... but she needs to be assesed and she can get help and benefits... McMillan have a financial department, that can tell you what she can get, and even help filling out the forms .. but you need to reach out .. find out if there's a dementia centre near you .. and see if you can get someone to help with mum in her home ..

    Anything you want to know or ask, I'll try and help ... but this is a great place to chat .. and it is confusing where to post your thread .. but caring for someone with cancer is a good one .. or if a technical question .. post under ask the nurses .. they are here Mon to Fri . . They are really helpfull ... hope that helps a little 

    Don't worry your not alone ... chrissie  x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

     

    Hi Beamy,

    Can I first of all extend a very warm welcome to our forum? You have come to the right place as all of us either have cancer or are caring for someone with cancer.

    I am so sorry to hear that your mum has been hit with this double whammy. Are you her only family or do you have other relatives who can help share the load? No matter how independent you usually are, you still need support and help. You are no use to your mum if something happens to your health, so please accept help whenever it is offered.

    The dementia can be hard enough to deal with, but it is so much worse when accompamied by cancer. How is she keeping generally? My Mother-in-law is now in her mid-nineties and has dementia. Last year we had to make the terrible decision of whether to put her into a care home or to keep her at home and give her all the care she needs there. We decided on the latter. My father-in-law is 98. He is a very independent person, who looked after her on his own for as long as he could.

    We now have a hospital bed at home with carers coming in 3 times a day and the district nurse coming in each week. As your mum's health deteriorates, this might be better for her, than going into a home or a hospital? We had to go through a social worker to get this all in place. Sadly, she no longer seems to know her surroundings, but she seems as happy as she could be anywhere else and my father-in-law is still kept busy with washing & ironing clothes, feeding her, etc. I hadn't realised that there was such a service before, but would highly recommend it.

    How has your work been as your sick leave is extending? This is always a difficulty when faced with such a situation. Chris is quite right. The UTube videos are very informative, but you do need to get her assessed and properly diagnosed. It must be very difficult trying to cope with chemo on top of this. I am sure that she will probably qualify for benefits too. There is likely to be a Macmillan centre for financial advice in her hospital. If you don't see, it just ask. Some of the forms are very lengthy, but they will help you to fill them in.

    We generally post under the most appropriate title for our subject matter, but can usually pick up on them wherever they are.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on and, remember that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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