Hello all. This is my first post so not too sure if this is a question or more of a rant!?

My mum passed away 2 days before last Christmas and while everything was as peaceful and comforting as possible. I got to my mums house while she was already in the shutting down phase and she did make a noise as if she recognised me when I arrived there where no more words able to come out. The hardest part was having my 2 year old daughter with us. I needed my partner but she was looking after our bundle of joy down the road at my sisters house. She passed away that night as we rubbed her back and held her hand. Then the task of Christmas was upon us as we tried to scrape together what was left in the super markets as we all knew that  she would have wanted us to be together and enjoy the new obnoxiously noisy gifts that where given to our daughter while staring at my mothers unopened presents under the tree. Time has gone on and we did have a family funeral in January which did give some closure however my sister had decided we would do a celebration of life with extended family and friends when it would be her birthday and the weather would be nicer in the meadow where her ashes where put under a tree. 

So the time has come. It is next week and I feel sick. was wondering if it’s normal to feel like this. I wake up I feel fine. I get to work I feel sick. After a while when I concentrate on the task at hand I get out of it. Until I go home I start to feel sick again. It seems every time I get faced with any responsibility my body just wants to run away. Is this normal? I love my wife and I love munch daughter so I know i wouldn’t but every day the same feeling is there.