Cancer Research UK main site

Trying to support my partner

Yolinden
Offline

My partner has been diagnosed with a secondary and having lymph nodes removed this week. 

Its not his first time dealing with cancer and it’s fall-out but it is mine, he won’t let me discuss it or tell anyone. But I have a teenager that lives with us, and our 5 year old.

How can I best support him?? 

Thanks xx

 

  • Offline

    In addition just found out he is having a lumber puncture on Thursday and surgery on Friday. 

     

  • Offline

    Hi there ... I think you need to support each other ... to support him, he needs to talk to you too ...

    It is a heard time, esp second time round ... so maybe he's a bit in shock at the mo ... and wants to get his head around it first before others know ... so you need to get him to open up, and support whichever way he wants to go ... as hard as that is for you ... but you can hold his hand and help him through ..

    Take care ... Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you! 

    I think your right about the shock, he has been a little better today. It’s hard to know what’s the best way to support him xx

  • Offline in reply to Yolinden

    If it were me, id tell him im here if he needs me ... if you need space thats fine ... ill be right here by your side ... no matter what ... 

    But you have to follow your heart and do what's right for you ... but you have a big heart, and thats what will help you through ... we know no one can take it away ... but they can walk by our side .... Chrissie x.

  • Offline

    Hello Yolinden and so sorry to read of the situation.  You have the added issue of how soon the youngsters in your family will sooner or later pick up on the fact that something is amiss and that will worry them; they will wonder why nobody is talking to them about it.  Hopefully before that happens your partner may feel ready to open up.  I don't know if you have seen the information on this website about talking to children about cancer but I have attached the link just in case.

    If you are literally the only person who has been told it is a bit of a difficult situation for you if he has family who have not yet been told and who may be upset if they are not told for some time.  You have a difficult path to steer especially with your own worries for your partner.  You seem to be at the centre holding everything together so please do what you can to care for yourself.   As Chrissie has said  you can just keep loving him and talking through the situation with him until he becomes a bit calmer and understands more about what is going to happen.   Best wishes.  Annie

    www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../support-for-children-whose-parents-have-cancer

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.