Hi Marie

I know exactly how you must feel, lost,frightened and wondering how to support your mam. My husband very fit, active and full of life found out last week he has terminal oesophegeal cancer and cant eat which is his favourite thing in the world. He is 57 and our daughter is 17 she is confused, upset and worried. Like you I came across this group and have been encouraged with what I have read, I am determined to be positive and help them both through this. Read some of the positive posts in here you will get support of that I have already found n the few days since I first wrote those words down. Keep your chin up Marie and fight for your mam. I know if must be hard having only just lost my dad I understand that to I was 21 when my dad died at the young age of 52. But push your mam on you can do it and I'm here as are others xxx

Carol

Thank you so much, Carol - that’s a massive help. I’m so sorry that’s happened to you and your family. I feel so angry ar cancer and honestly keep thinking stupid things like ‘how dare this happen? I need to report it to...’ but there’s no one to report it to - it’s just nature.  My mam, my family and I have loads of support but I just dread night-times as the night seems SO long and lonely (even though I’m living with my lovely mam)... I literally cannot believe how long nights seem to last with just terror of the future. Thank you for your support - I really appreciate it. Xxx

Hi, 

i lost my Dad to cancer when I was 26 and my mum has just been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. In fact yesterday she came home from hospital after a bout of pneaunonia so I understand how you feel. It’s totally unfair and I get angry at cancer and anything else I can take my frustration out on. 

Best thing I can say to do though is to take support wherever it’s offered - from friends, family and nurses. That’s the one thing I can be thankful for for. Is the super network I can rely on. It never makes it better but it makes it easier. 

Also make every moment count. Even the little ones. It’s the small things that matter. X

Hi Marie and Andrew,

First of all, I notice that you are both “newbies”, so I extend a very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear about what you are both going through and what you have already been through.

I lost both of my parents, several family members and close friends to cancer and I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 8 years. I am currently waiting to have a mole on my back tested at the end of this month.

One thing that I have learnt throughout this time is that there is no point in being angry or in wasting valuable time wondering about what the future holds. It is so much easier if you can get yourselves into a better place and put a more positive perspective on things. None of us know exactly how much longer we or our loved ones have got on this earth. It is so much easier for all to deal with if you can try to make memories with your loved ones, if they are still well enough to do this.

Are there any places that they would like to visit or people they may want to see? You can also see that their pain meds are working effectively and, if not, get their care teams to increase or change them. Food can also be an issue. If they cannot manage solids or liquidized foods, get their care teams to prescribe build up drinks

I am glad to hear that you both have good support networks and agree that you should accept any offer of help no matter how minor it may seem. Night times are often the difficult times with this disease. We tend to consult ‘Dr Google’ and then let our imaginations run away with us. Try to only visit reputable sites, which are properly researched.

Please keep in touch and let us know how your mothers are getting on. We are always here for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you Jolamine and the others ... this is really helpful. I don’t feel so angry now. My mam has had lots of lovely visitors, which she wanted, and the doctors have been really good at coming out quickly and changing her medication for various symptoms.  Haha at the doctor Google thing - I always say I’m not going to Google at night, then I do. I need someone to confiscate my phone and computer! Xxx

Hi Marie,

Most of us get carried away by the internet at night and this can be quite scary. It's seriously not a bad idea to hand custody of your computer and phone over to someone else at night, as you'll do yourself no favours by continuously searching.

You will also find that you tend to stay up longer and longer into the wee small hours, with the result that you don't get enough sleep. You cannot function properly throughout the day if you don't get sleep for long enough at night. Have you tried watching TV or listening to music? How is your mam coping with all that has happened? Is she managing to sleep at night? If not, perhaps you could have a chat?

I am glad to hear that the doctors have been on the ball and quick to change her medication where appropriate. Do you have any other siblings or family who can support you at this difficult time?

I am sure that you will find the strength to see this through, hard though it is.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx