Hi I'm Gill trying my best to look after my hubby who has incurable blood cancer ... needed to connect with people who may understand what life is like for us ... thanks for having me
I’m sure that you will find our forum a great support as you travel alongside your husband on his cancer journey. When was your husband diagnosed with blood cancer and what is his prognosis?
Sadly, this is a disease which doesn’t only affect the patient, but his entire family. I have lost both of my parents, many other family members and close friends to cancer and have now had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself. I am currently waiting for investigation into a mole for skin cancer. I guess what I am saying is that I am no stranger to this terrible disease.
To support your hubby, you will need to be the stronger person. Try not to dwell on the end stage. Instead try to make memories and enjoy what time you have together. You do not say what age he is or whether you have any family. Many people claim that they feel useless, frustrated and unsure that they’ll be able to cope. No matter how bad the situation, we all seem to get through this. It is much more helpful for the patient and their family if they can speak openly about all that is happening. Putting a positive slant on the situation makes all feel better than worrying about the bigger picture. I experienced this first hand with my own diagnosis.
Accept any help that is offered from any quarter. You will find that family and friends are quite happy to help out, but unsure what to do. You and your hubby will be feeling worn out with all that is going on. Accept any offer to clean the house, shop, cook meals, do washing, offer transport, ferry children here and there, etc. These will give you more precious time with your hubby, which is the priority for you at the moment.
Do keep in touch and let us know how things are going. Please remember that we are always here for you both whenever you want to talk. We have all been touched by cancer and will not be fazed by anything that you have to say. We are here whether you want advice, support or even if you just want to rave.
Thank you so much .... hubby was diagnosed 8 years ago but sadly has now progressed to final stage prognosis not good there is no cure and unfortunately his health is deteriorating..it is sad to see the weight loss and all the rest that comes with it .. he will be 58 on mothers' day .. I lost all my family to cancer and was the oldest of my generation at 35 ..we have children but they have their own lives and find it hard to see what's happening when they visit .. no other family at all .. hence my looking for a forum and finding you wonderful people ..
Your story brought me to tears but also smiles ... what a amazing attitude despite all the trauma you have been though and you take time to contact me ... thank you once again .. for the first time ever I have felt defeated today and had to turn away from hubby when he had to take his wedding ring and put it safe as it now slips from his finger.. trying to stay strong is hard and the little things like that hurt .. not the clinics and hospitals and stress .. just something as simple as that sent me over the edge today
I wish you all the best with your battle also... I'm lost for words really but your words have helped me ..I hope I can be of help to someone also one day
I am so sorry to hear of your family history of cancer. I cannot imagine being the oldest of your generation at only 35. Sadly, this probably means that you know what lies ahead of you. It is not an easy road to travel, especially when you reach the stage where you can see your poor hubby deteriorate before your eyes.
Do you have any support from outside agencies? My Mother-in-law is currently receiving palliative care. This is not for cancer, but we have carers coming in 4 times a day to turn her, 2 nurses to bathe her, dress her and attend to her needs and have been offered someone from the local hospice to sit with her at night so that my father-in-law can get some sleep. This was all arranged on a Friday and in place by the Monday, including the delivery of a hospital bed. If you do not have some support services in place, it might be well worth considering this, as it doesn’t sound as if you are getting much support from your family. It might be worth discussing this with hubby’s care team, as you cannot do everything yourself.
I can fully relate to your incident with hubby’s wedding ring. Somehow or other we can cope with the many hospital visits, all the anxiety, surgery and demanding treatment regimes, but something as simple as this can just push us right over the edge. Maybe the best birthday present you could give him is to get his ring re-sized?
I am glad to hear that you felt that my words helped you. I try to reply to people on this forum, people like you and your hubby, who are so bravely dealing with this terrible disease. I got great support from others on this forum in the early days of my diagnosis. Sadly, none of them are with us any longer, but I feel that it is my turn to repay the kindness shown to me in those stressful early days. I believe that I also found it cathartic to write down how I felt too.
I have no doubt that you will be of great help to others on this site. We often get requests from people wanting to know about a certain type of cancer and there is no better person to tell them than someone who has gone through that experience first-hand.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on. We are always here for both of you whenever you need to talk.
