Oh my dear smt352.  You are going through such a terrible time and we cannot do anything to help except to say that many people on this forum know how you feel and I am sure that others going through the same torment will understand and respond to you.  This is one of the times when we can only ask "Why?"  There are too many terrible losses documented on this website and we can only do our best to support each other.  Over the years I have lost my mum to cancer, also my son's father plus more friends that I can list here.    Do not consider yourself useless.  Your love and support will count for a lot in the eyes of your husband.  Annie

Hi SMT352.

A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis and the fact that his health has failed so much in such a short time. This must be a soul destroying time for you.  Don’t for one minute think that you are useless. Many people feel useless and frustrated that they cannot do more for loved ones in the latter stages. You are with him and supporting him all the way, regardless of how hard this is for you. Sometimes, this is all that we can do.

Like Annie, I have lost both parents and many more family and close friends to cancer. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself too. The first of these was 8 years ago and the second 7.  Watching a loved one deteriorate so quickly is heart-breaking.  All you can do is to be there for him, ensure that he is as comfortable as possible,  that he has all he wants, that his pain meds are working and that you give him the support he needs to get through. It is not easy to be the strong one in these situations, but that is what you’ve got to do.

Try not to look at the bigger picture. Instead of worrying about what will happen, try to create memories where possible.  Take things day-by-day or even hour-by-hour if need be.  Let your tears flow, as this is a good way of relieving some of your emotions. Your wedding anniversary may not be the one that you planned for today, but do your very best to make it special. My Heartiest Congratulations to you Both.

I really feel for you and wish that there was something I could do to make it all go away. Sadly there isn’t, but I am thinking of and praying for you both.

Please keep in touch and let us know if we can help you in any way. Many of us have been where you are and know just how difficult this road is.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Annieliz and thanks for your reply. Just posting to say that my lovely man died yesterday his pancreatic cancer had spread to his lungs and was literally untreatable. One week after our 44th wedding anniversary. I am totally lost without him. He was without doubt my best friend. The only consolation is that he's no longer suffering. I'm having wonderful support from our two children and families, but obviously they're broken hearted too. They loved their dad. His death was the best we could make it for him, with his family around him he just gently slipped away, without fear or pain. That was always very important to me. How I'm going to carry on I've no idea. Today I've got to register his death and that's just an unreal thing to have to do. He was only diagnosed Jan 11th this year. Now he's gone. Just unbelievable, 

Oh smt352, I am sorry and greatly appreciate that you have taken the time to let us know about what has been happening.  So many thoughts and questions that are unanswerable.  It is marvellous when we can find a soulmate and have many years of happiness but the downside is that the more happiness we have the more pain we feel when it is taken away.   I cannot believe it would be better for us to live like hermits and never feel any great emotions but I don't know the answers to this one.  So good that you have such a strong loving family. And that they were all to be there when thankfully he died peacefuly.  Registering a loved ones death can feel like you are watching yourself do it (if that makes sense) as it is - like you say - so unreal.  Be kind to yourself and take things gently.  Annie

Just trust the doctors and don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't give up' You are in a difficult situation but what are you supposed to do? 

I am 60 and my wife is 53. She was diagnosed with leukemia in May of 2016. Treatment has been HORRIBLE but she is now in remission and awaiting a bone marrow transplant. I am terrified of living alone as this is possible, so I do know how you Feel. Just take one day at a time. I know this is lame advice, but what else can you do? Prayers, Gary

Hi Smt,

I have just come across this sad news and know just how torn you must feel at the moment. I'm sure that you are all heartbroken at the loss, yet relieved that your husband is no longer in pain and suffering. My sincere sympathy to you and your family. You have not had long to come to terms with his diagnosis, let alone his passing.

I am glad to hear that all of your family were with him at the end and that he passed away peacefully. Please don't worry about how you are going to cope. Take things one-day at a time. Do your best to remember happier times when he was fit and well. Do you have any interests that can take you out of the house? It is way too early yet, but it does help you to meet others and not depend upon family totally.

I do hope that you managed to register his death without too much distress yesterday.

Thinking of you all at this sad time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx