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Mum has been diagnosed with stage 4

Sadness1968
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Hi all, I have been reading all these posts since December when I found out how unwell my mum was. I decided to go on all my mums apointments/ See her every weekend - in the week if I can. Look after her for a week in my house on her chemo week. Basically everything I can and as much as I can. I am exhausted emotionally and physically - I haven’t teally been in work since the beginning of December ..feel like there is a dark deep cloud over me that just won’t go away and I am in a holding pattern until she passes away. The pain is awful and so brutal.

caring for someone you love that is so poorly and to see them so vulnerable is just disturbing .

i know she is going to become iller and I just don’t know how I / we will cope as a family. My father and brotherjust don’t seem on it!

it feels like o started grieving at the beginning of December when I found out she was terminally ill.

life is dark and I am not sure when it will ever feel good again.

this is hurting so much x not sure how I can get through it.

 

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    Hi Sadness,

    Welcome to the forum.

    So many of us on here will be able to empathise and know exactly what you are going through as we've been there. You will get through this one way or another but it will be bl**dy hard. Different family members come to accept the new reality at different paces, try not to be too hard on them while they catch up :-) 

    Meanwhile, don't forget to look after yourself.

    Good luck

    Dave 

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    Hi Sadness,

    A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

    I am so sorry to hear that you are finding life so difficult caring for your mum. It is heart-breaking and harrowing to watch your loved one deteriorate before your eyes. If you only found out how ill she was in December, you haven’t had much time to come to terms with the enormity of it all. Many people find that the grieving process starts when they get a diagnosis like this.

    Have you spoken to her care team about her pain? There may be something else that they can give her to help with the this. It certainly sounds as if you are doing all that you can to support and care for her. I know just how exhausting this can be as I have lost both of my parents, several other family members and close friends to cancer and have now had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself.

    Do you have a family to care for yourself? As Dave says, you will find the strength to see this through. Try not to look at the bigger picture but take things in more manageable chunks – either day by day, or even hour by hour if necessary. It sounds to me as if you are the one bearing the brunt of the caring. Can you divide this up a bit more evenly? Have a heart to heart with your dad and brother, explain that you are feeling put upon and tell them that they need to pull their weight. Families really need to pull together at times like this, but so often most of the work and caring is left to one person.

    Have you considered seeing a counsellor? This is not for everyone, but some find it a great help. There are many charities that offer this service. If you are feeling so down, your GP night also consider prescribing some anti-depressant medication for a short while.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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