Daughter in Distress

Hi all,

I don't really know how to start this. I am a 26 year old daughter of a mother who has suffered way too much. My mom was dx when I was 17, went through the chemo/rad/mas etc. and went into remission until April of 2016. That's when we found out that it has metastasized on her bones. Flash forward through the past almost two years and there were lots of scans, changing medicines, getting used to the dx and accepting it, being slapped in the face with more progression, getting used to that, getting slapped again, you get the story.

Yesterday, I got a call from my parents informing me that her doctor felt that the treatments were no longer working, and it's time to stop altogether. I'm...in shock. Devastated. Confused. Even though she has been so sick, it felt like as long as there were treatments there was also the possiblity of something working. I thought that they could just keep going around and changing and adapting. I thought that the end of the possibilities wouldn't be less than two years from the time that this came back into her life, and all of ours. 

I don't know what to think now. Do we have months? A year? Two years? The cancer is on her bones (with no pain), the dural lining of her brain (but no neurological issues), and now showing up on her liver. Do I need to be switching my mindset to accepting that my mom is about to die? I've been making that shift slowly, but I didn't think it would happen this soon. I can't stop crying and I don't know what to do. Just looking for some words of wisdom, or similar stories, or anything really. 

  • Hi Julia,

    Your Mum is clearly extremely sick. I'm not a medic, but know that if the experts are saying it's time to stop treatment, then that is usually the case. You and your Mum are always entitled to a second opinion, and only you can decide if you wish to seek this. You can also ask how long your Mum is expected to live. Maybe your Mum doesn't want to know, but doesn't mind other family members knowing.

    It's very sad news. You have all my sympathy, and I wish you every strength. xx Harry 

     

     

  • Hello Julia.   It is times like this when we realise there is no logic or fairness in our lives and no matter how well we try to live them nothing can be guaranteed and we wonder what it is all about.  Very hard to accept.   Even though our logical thought tells us we know how uncertain everything is it still seems all wrong.  Cancer is vile; it seems to follow no rules but makes its own up as it goes along.  Some win and some lose badly.

    I don't know how far you live from your parents but perhaps you could have a chat with your father about what he has learned.  Harry is right; your mum may not want to know everything at this time but your dad might be able to answer some of your questions so you will at least know as much as he does. 

    I am so sorry for you.  I was in my 30s when I lost my mum to cancer and it hurt.