Hi Amanda,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. We just found out last week that my husband is also terminal. We have a 12-year-old son. My husband is 56, and I am 52. They did not give us a timeline at all, but he went from no internal tumors to six in six months. So, I don't think anyone thinks it is a huge amount of time. I am trying so hard to prepare for this mentally so that I will be able to meet our son's emotional needs after his dad passes, but it is so difficult. My mom passed when I was 18, and my dad was so depressed that he sat in a rocking chair looking off into space for months. I remember feeling such a rush of so many different emotions and no parental support. That is why I am trying so hard to have a plan for after he passes. As for getting help from people, my husband never seems to want to eat what people bring. It also seems that someone will show up and start coughing and then tell us they've been sick after coughing all over us. Although I asked people not to tell their children who are friends with our son, it is obvious some have, so I won't let him alone with those kids. My husband just starting complaining of new pain which, of course, scares us that a tumor may be growing far faster than the doctors thought it would. I am telling you all this in case you can relate to some of it. I hope it gives you some consolation to know that others are dealing with similar circumstances. We don't snap at each other so much, but we have been dealing with his serious medical issues for many years. I know that he had 22 years of love and the best care a person could give him because I cared. I never walked away no matter what we had to face. When you look back someday, you may come to find that choosing to stay, and, yes, it is a choice, gives an inner peace - to know that you loved someone so much that you stayed and loved them through their darkest hour. Not a perfect love, but the best love you could muster. That is something great.

Hugs,

Louise

Hi Amanda,

Welcome to the forum - so sorry to read about your husband's condition and the situation you are in as a family.

I wish I could offer you more than my sympathy - you've both done all you can to fight this cancer together. All families get stressed out when cancer is a factor, especially when hope begins to fade so be kind to yourself, your husband and your son.

I get frustrated with the stereotypes applied to people affected by cancer - the brave patient, the devoted spouse, the long-suffering but understanding child etc. We're all just individuals who cope as best as we can under ridiculously tough circumstances. When we try to live up to the stereotypes, that's when the problems start as they are utterly unrealistic. Far easier done in a film or a soap opera when reality isn't a factor and no-one has to earn a living, pay bills, get the kids ready for school, look out for elderly relatives or do the laundry at the same time! 

Many of us use the forum as somewhere to safely vent our frustrations or just have a good old moan to people who genuinely understand because they've been through or are going through similar experiences. I hope it helps you get through whatever life throws at you in the coming weeks and montys.

Best wishes

Dave

Gosh. Firstly thank you again Chrissie for your words of strength, hope and wisdom. I feel humbled that those suffering their own battles are seeking me out to check I'm ok. I feel almost bad about it. It's been a funny old day . Pain seems better but he's not really eating much now and that was always an issue after the op. Still swollen but again better since they stopped steroids. He tells me nonsense though,elaborate stories sometimes and today was one of those. Got him sorted with a good shower at last as it's been ages . Saddened to see his once mountainous frame so reduced. He is 6ft 3 but his arm is as skinny as mine now and Ive dropped about a stone these last few months. Breaks my heart. My one consolation is that nobody knows me like he does , always he knows my reasonings and reactions and I likewise. The confusion throws a spanner in the works a bit. 

Dave. Thank you so much. Your post really really struck a chord with me.

"I get frustrated with the stereotypes applied to people affected by cancer - the brave patient, the devoted spouse, the long-suffering but understanding child etc. We're all just individuals who cope as best as we can under ridiculously tough circumstances."

One of the district nurses said to me the other week, "It's not like this in the movies is it?".

She wasn't wrong. Thanks again guys x