Hi there Chioe...hello to you to, and welcome to our little chat room, where you can get anything off your chest ... and we hold each other up on bad days (had a meltdown too couple of days ago) and never thought it would happen to me ... but it actually did good and got all my negative emotion out in one go .. 

We laugh on funny things that come along ... my grand daughter asked me ,after my mastectomy, how was I going to feed babies now... I'm 63 ... she's 6 're pic ...

We can vent on here ... and no one says pull yourself together or you'll get over it .. most of us have been where you are now... and we know just how hard it is ... where you feel isolated, that's normal as it feels everything looks "normal" but you feel everything but normal ...

You will always find someone on here that is going through the same.. I've read so many posts about loosing a loved parent ... but it makes you realise just how blessed you were to have had them in your life, that's why it's so hard when they leave ... and I bet she's looking down on her girl and think she would be very proud of you ... so hang on in there ... it does slowly get easier .. but the missing them stays ... look in your mirror,  she's looking strait back as she's still there in your heart, and no one can take that away ... big hug ... Chrissie xx

You

Hi Chloe,

Welcome to the forum, i've only been here a few days myself and arrived in similar circumstances after having a complete meltdown which involved having a panic attack for the first time in my life, and crying uncontrollably.

You've taken the first step, which is to reach out to others, and you've identified that you need help and support. This time of year is awful anyway even when everything is fine, but when there's been bereavement getting to the first week of January, having had Christmas and New Year and all the emotion that dredges up, it's unsurprising so many of us are on here in the 1st week of January, at the end of our tether.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum. Mine is currently going through her 2nd scare. My uncle died of a brain tumour.and my grandad of asbestos cancer (within 6 months of each other) can't help but feeling the stress of that brought it on for mum.

I have found it so useful on here so far, if i'm busy tapping away and concentrating on getting my spelling right then i can't be thinking about dark gloomy thoughts at the same time, granted i'm a man and its not possible to do two things at the same time :) but even just getting all down in writing seems to work in releasing some kind of pressure guage.

What i've also found very useful is writing down targets for myself. I categorised them into short medium and long term goals. The reason i did that was because i was becoming so overwhelmed by the overall situation i needed to filter out what could and couldnt be done. In your case it may be useful to write down on a bit of paper at the start of the day, one positive thing that you are going to achieve that day. This can be anything from do some sit ups in your living room, to cleaning the oven or it can be something more personal like going to put some flowers on mums grave or ringing an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while. I found that the small sense of achievement this brings feels like i'm taking back a little bit of control, and it's often the lack of control that leads to those depressive moments of a meltdown. Have a go at writing down some medium and long term goals as well, but put them in a drawer somewhere, they are for another day, there's nothing you can do about those at the moment, and it will take up too much energy agonising over them.

I can totally empathise with the shock factor, i never properly grieved for my grandad and uncle, i feel it is only really now that this is coming out. I think we go into survival mode when it happens, and its only a bit later on does the full force hit us. This is totally normal. It's only when we truly acknowledge our grief can we start to make any sense of it.

You've taken that first step by reaching out on here.

Dan

Hi Chrissie,

Thank you for your kind and wise words. My 6 year-old's birthday tomorrow. All those first times without Mum are so hard. But I am getting such comfort from this forum. Just knowing that I'm not alone and won't be judged. I tend to keep everything to myself and keep going, but it didn't work this time. So pleased I found this.

Thank you.

Xx

Hi Dan,

I am very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. 

I really like your idea of writing down some goals for the day. As you say, finding something to focus on and achieve, keeps you away from overthinking, at least for a bit! I'll definitely give it a try.

Being on here seems to help process my thoughts a bit better and I don't feel guilty to talk about Mum like I do with friends. It's already 2 months after all, I should start feeling better... It's true what they say, you have to go through it to understand. 

I wish you and your Mum the best. Thank you for your response and advice.

Xx