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Mike2018
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Hello All,

I don't know where to start. My beautiful wonderful wife and I were told that she has Cancer yesterday. It looks like both breasts and under arms. We were told that surgery probably isn't the first option, and that going to Chemotherapy would likely be the first thing to do. Going back for a prognosis chat next week. No family history of this. Had a idea for a while this was happening.

we have a young teenage daughter who has a fair idea, but not all, off what is happening - she heard conversations. 

I want to be the most supportive husband I can. I am trying to be as strong as my wife is - she's a very tough lady..

I'm not sure what to do next. Frankly I'm scared, but need to keep things together at home and work. Don't really have anyone else I feel I can talk to at the moment. I realise things are different for everyone, but how do I support my wife - she gets annoyed/upset sometimes when I try to help.

Sorry for rambling,. Currently don't know who to talk to - feel I need to be doing something, anything to fix this, which I realise is completely irrational and unhelpful. Know that if I go into my comfort zone of trying to "fix" things it won't help but antagonise my wife.

Any thoughts please on how to move forward?

Thank you, Mike

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    Hi Mike,

     

    Having recently been through cervical cancer my Husband was wonderfully supportive and I couldn’t have got through it without him. Before you go for your talk try and do something normal but fun to take both your minds off it. He took time off work and we went to Emma Bridgewater factory for a tour and simple walks out with him and the dogs, anything to distract my mind. I hope this helps.  Beat wishes. 

  • Offline in reply to Angie2017

    Thank you Angie, appreciate that. We're trying to distract ourselves through work at the moment for some normalcy, but you're right, we need some fun.

    Mike

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    Hi Mike . i was diagnosed in April 2017 with grade 3 breast cancer and it also was in my lymph nodes i had 6 rounds of chemo and then on the 5th of October i had a masectomey and full lymph node removel then on the 26th of October i was told my treatment was finished and i was discharged . My poor husband looked aftr me every day from the first day it was awful watching him because he didnt have a clue what to do but him just been there was enough . i could tell how scared he was but he was super brave .he got all the bad jobs like on my sickness days and days when i cried all day and he had to help dress me after the surgery . . all you can do is be there even when you think you are not needed . good luck with your journey i wish you well

  • Offline in reply to pg
    Hello pg, thank you for sharing so much with me, I really appreciate it. We’re still in the limbo of waiting for a scan and feedback on tests so far. So we are at the beginning of things. I’m trying to look after my wife as much as possible. I suspect I’m annoying her a little by trying to do as much as possible - I’m busy doing things that I haven’t really done around the house and am putting things away in the wrong places etc. Completely understand the feeling of cluelessness and needing to do something but simultaneously being scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. Hopefully I’ll learn fast :-) Thanks again, Mike
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    I am so sorry to hear than you are doing through this. It is definitely something that changes the lives of everyone involved. I have just finished two rounds of chemotherapy and will be heading into a double mastectomy & lymphnode surgery later this month. When things first started up, I was incredibly irritable. You are frustrated at the people around you, you're frustrated at the situation and, at least in my case, you are just *** off at your own body. What I have found most helpful through this has been the people who continue to treat me the same way as they did before. If I want to talk about it, I will bring it up but being asked simple things like 'hey, should we snag chinese or indian for dinner?' helped me with a sense of normalcy. As for your daughter, obviously you know her best and what maturity level she is at in terms of processing the information. I extended invitations to each of my younger sisters to come with me for a chemo session. I had a port put in so I let them see it and touch it. In my experience what we have in our minds can be so much scarier than the actual procedures - one of my sisters thought I was put under each time I went to the infusion lab and that there were tons of needles so letting her see that I was sitting in a chair able to read or play cards with just my IV stand was very helpful for her. Sending so many positive vibes your way.
  • Offline in reply to britton1185

    Hello  britton1185,

    Thanks for comments, again it’s very helpful to understand. I’m definitely understanding the need for normalcy, while simultaneously trying to pick up everything at home. Can see the frustration and irritation in my wife also, while she’s clearly making strong efforts to avoid snapping back.

    we have the first scan today, so hopefully that will move us forward a little, followed by another meeting with the consultant tomorrow. I think getting confirmation of where we are is going to be good and bad.

    All the very best to you too, particularly for your surgery.

  • Offline in reply to Mike2018
    I’m not sure why :-), but to update it looks like we are dealing with stage 4 as things have spread. Have told our daughter but not parents yet. Things are a little unreal at the moment. My beautiful wife is being incredibly brave. On to see the next specialist next.

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