Hello Kelly.  I can only guess how you feel trying to deal with a situation where yout whole body screams out that this cannot be happening; it is more than you can cope with but at the same time being aware 102 per cent of the time that it IS happening.  It is some years now since my mum died from cancer and I remember my thoughts would just come to a full stop when I worried about things - there was no acceptable place for them to continue into.  You don't say if you have siblings and a wider family but please talk with anyone who cares for you and who may indeed be needing your support in return.  You have not had much time at all to adjust to the situation and are now getting closer to leaving your mum.  I am sorry to ramble - I really just wanted to say I hope you find a way through this.  I don't know what palliative care your family are getting at the moment - you say you are awaiting a bed.  In my experiences (2) of palliative care being given to two friends who died from cancer in the last 18 months they were very good so make sure you are getting what you can under this heading.  Best wishes.